The Heather Sager Show

How to Gracefully Handle Unsolicited Feedback

June 27, 2022 Heather Sager Episode 155
The Heather Sager Show
How to Gracefully Handle Unsolicited Feedback
Show Notes Transcript

When others have an opinion about the way you should be running your business, you might find yourself overwhelmed with feedback — both good and bad.  The question is what do you do with it, how do you handle these feelings and the weight of it when you're trying to grow a business? 

Whether it’s feedback about a presentation, a random internet stranger commenting on your content or a well intentioned family member offering ideas… knowing what to say and how to emotionally navigate these moments is a critical skill that you must master as a leader in your business. 

Grab the show notes and full episode transcript here. ➡️ http://heathersager.com/blog/155

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2:23  

Well, hey friend. Welcome back to another episode and today marks the first day of summer in the Sager house. The time of recording this is the last day of school. So I am so excited for warm weather, for short, for beach time, for all the fun things but also with that, welcome to the modified schedule of summer where those who have kids at home we figure out how to run businesses whilst entertaining children. Spoiler, I don't entertain my children. They play. They do stuff. We're gonna go on some adventures. I hope you're taking some downtime for the summer as I sure am. But don't worry, the podcast is not going anywhere. Each Monday this summer, you can expect an incredible episode. I'm going to be batch recording a bunch of them next week so that you can keep a little Heather in your ear every week this summer as you sit my ties for the pool. That's what I just assumed that you're doing. Probably not but be sure to let me know if that's actually what you're doing because that sounds straight up legit. 


3:23  

Taking summer side, today's episode I I've been sitting on this topic for months, actually for months, and this stems from a couple things. Now we're going into a topic today that I definitely had to navigate through early on in my business. But it just came up recently as one of my clients inside my program had posted a question around how to navigate well intentioned family members who offer unsolicited advice about her businesses. And I thought, oh, my goodness, I have so many thoughts on this, not just because I mean, I've dealt with this in a variety of ways. Family, if you're listening, I love you. And I've worked with a lot of budding entrepreneurs over the last few years and I know that one of the areas that people struggle with is what are people going to say about me? Whether it's old friends from your old life, right old life, new life, this online thing is the new life? What are people going to say about you if you start talking about yourself and posting these branded photos? What are your former co-workers gonna say? What's your mother in law gonna say? What are strangers on the internet going to say if we put just as much energy into creating content and a business as we did thinking about what strangers or other people might say about us? Might be a little closer to your business goals right now.


4:51  

But this idea of other people's opinions, I know it's a very catchy thing that people talk about how don't be weighted down by other people's opinions, but let's be real as humans, we're conditioned to care about what other people think, that social aspect of getting feedback from other people showing that or seeing that we're liked by other people, that's just human nature. So there is nothing wrong with you, if you will seek acceptance from others. If you like that validation from others, it isn't wrong. That's just very, very, very natural. 


5:24  

What we have to think about as business owners as our business is an entity separate from us. And we have to be very mindful around where we're pulling input, ie. feedback, because everybody and their mom quite literally has advice about everything and some people will be very forward in their opinions and their feedback. By nature, that's just how they are. Other people are reserved, but if you ask them, they'll give their feedback. Other people just keep their feedback in their own minds. And as the saying goes, what other people think about you is none of your business. However, it still can be a lingering thing and especially if you do have a friend or family member, or even some stranger on the internet, who says something. Chances are, if this has happened, you have gotten a little riled up about it or maybe you've stewed over it for days or weeks, or years. It just depends on the scenario. But if you've ever struggled with either the opinions or the feedback of other people, today's episode, I hope will be helpful for you because we need to have a conversation on this because I want you to think about this is that constant weight of caring what other people think it's not easy to break. I still very much care what people think. I want the feedback, I want to know, there's this fine line, right, the between, you want to have feedback from your audience because that feedback is how you know how to move forward, like case in point example last week, if you're on my email list or on on Instagram, I asked specifically, I'm considering renaming the podcast. I've been noodling on this for months. I'm trying to figure out whether or not I want to keep it called The Heather Sager Show, or if I want to name it something else, and pros and cons around all of it. But I asked you all, and I got so much feedback. And it'd be so easy for me to take all of that feedback and say, oh my gosh, like, oh, if I make the wrong choice, my audience will be mad at me or analyze every piece of feedback as truth. 


7:27  

You just have to think about feedback are different data points that you get to choose what you do with them. And as a business owner, you have to decide what you do with that feedback. And the difference between you staying stuck or even getting pulled back, or continuing the same loop. If your business is not growing at the pace that you want, you have to really think about how you control that feedback impacting your mental state, your business decisions, and all of those things. I see far too many people and I used to be one of those people that if something were to happen, somebody said something about me or I got an argument with one of my colleagues or Susie did this or whatever it was, right, we can really wind ourselves up, and then run ourselves into this narrative both in our brains or gripe about it to other people over and over and over again stewing in that same conversation which very clearly is not helpful. I mean, how many times have you seen somebody griping about a customer service issue in a Facebook group? We can gripe about the issue. But at some point, we're just like going on and on and ad nauseam that we have to make a choice and we have to move on. But I get that it can be very difficult when someone is giving you unsolicited feedback, because law of reciprocity states that if they give you the feedback, you have to tell them thank you. You have to hear it, you have to do something about. I don't know it depends on the person. But the question is, what do you do with it? What do you do with these feelings? What do you do with the opinions? What do you do with the weight of it when you're trying to grow a business? 


9:05  

So today, I'm going to share with you some of the insights that I've had over the years I've seen this navigating with other people running their businesses. We're just going to have a candid conversation. I would love to hear from you. If you've navigated this, if you have some good tips, keep an eye on my Instagram or send me a message and post or send me a message what's worked for you or if you struggle with these things, share. Please, please please share with me because I want to open up a dialog here because a lot of times these are the kinds of feelings that we think we're alone in, or we think we should have gotten handle on by now. I don't know if this has happened to you where you think you develop the emotional intelligence to navigate some of these things and then something happens in customer service or a family member or something and you're like, ah, why am I back here in this like, complaining or whatever else? Right? And in last week's episode, we talked a lot about how our responsibility is to bring forth positivity and vision in our business.


10:04  

Well, this is an example is if we are getting caught up in reaction or frustration from other people's opinions or other people's feedback, how can we expect to show up as that bright light of positivity in our brand. So here's the thing, you're going to get feedback from customers. And if you are growing your business and you're reaching more customers, you're going to get some negative feedback. You have to figure out how you're going to handle it. My recommendation is you think through these things before they come, because most likely, it'll be highly emotional when that moment comes. And it's like the expression don't go to the grocery store when you're hungry because you make all bad choices. I think the same thing happens to customer service. Do not figure out your customer service protocols when you're emotional about someone's feedback because you don't have the clarity to make intentional, well-branded decisions. And what I mean by that is you want to stand behind your interactions and not be like one of the characters from Disney Pixar's, Inside Out. Have you seen that? If you've seen that, well, I love that movie. My favorite is like the red anger, hothead character because it reminds me so much of my four year old. When he gets mad, oh my gosh, he gets so mad, so mad, so it's quite adorable, just watching him figure out his emotions. But we are not adorable four year olds, we are grown ass adults, and specifically business owners, we have to learn how to navigate feedback. And I understand that it can be uncomfortable and sometimes it can be straight up crazy town bananas, like feedback people give you're like, what the heck does that even mean? But knowing how to navigate it will become a skill that you can develop. And honestly, you can become very proud of your ability to navigate those things. 


12:07  

So I'm gonna share with you one of the first times that I experienced some really interesting feedback in my life. If you're new to the show, this will be a fun little fact about Heather. So when I was 19, it was about, I don't know about a year, a little over a year after we lost my mom to breast cancer and we were running our nonprofit in her name called the Clara Jean Foundation and we were looking for more exposure for that organization. We were doing fundraising. And I somehow stumbled across the local chapter of the Miss America Organization. And I went to a little orientation. I met Miss Washington who was, funny enough now thinking back on it,. She was partially deaf and wear hearing aids. This is before I knew I had a hearing loss and she played the piano and it was beautiful. And she was a huge advocate for hearing loss and accessibility. And I remember watching her. She was so talented, so articulate, so beautiful. And just like wow, I love how she's leveraging this opportunity as Miss Washington, leveraging the crown to reach more people and share this really powerful message and I thought maybe, maybe I can do that. So at 19 I decided to run for the Miss Clark County pageant, and I mustered all my energy. I cried through my entire 12 minute interview because I talked a lot about my mom. And I mean, I was 19 and my mom had just died. So I was like a blubbering mess. And that year at the pageant, I think, I don't know, third runner up. I think that was that first year but the next year I came back and I competed again. Spoiler I ended up competing the Miss America program for seven years and won like close to $30,000 and paid for a lot of my education and really learned a lot of my articulation skills and how to be on stage with really high presence. So sidenote, you're getting a lot of pageant training on this show and in my programs, but that second year, I remember I came back with this newfound level of competence. It wasn't green anymore. I knew what to expect. I was more confident myself, I knew how to handle my emotions and be able to talk about my mom and our foundation without breaking down. I was feeling a lot better, my talent got better. And I remember I decided to not go the route of like a traditional pageant gown, which at the time was very beaded and glittery. And I chose a really simple understated black strapless dress and it was very thin and it had a black sheath over it. And it was just really classic and really beautiful. And I had worn it to I think like a prom or something my boyfriend in high school was a year younger than me so he was still in prom. So I went to that and I repurposed it. Anyways, all that to say we went for the whole pageant and I ended up getting, I think second runner up. I got one spot closer that year. And I was really proud of myself and really, really disappointed, but I was overall proud and after the pageant I remember there was this little set of high school. So we were in the hallway and all the parents were starting to meet up with their kids. And I see my dad, my very, very sweet dad who wore my face on a pin, like a big round pin on his lapel. He wore a full suit to the pageant. He was so prideful, it was so cute. And I remember like walking towards my dad to go see him. And he had this, like, my whole family was there, they had posters with my face on it, it was just really, really sweet to be supportive. And as I was approaching my family, one of the other moms grabbed my arm and she had this sweet look on her face. And she's like, Heather, oh, my gosh, I'm so proud of you. You did so amazing. She was the mom of someone who had competed with me both years. So I was familiar with her. And she's like, it was just so so amazing. And then she paused. And she goes, if only you would have chose a different gown. If only you would have chosen a different gown. And the look on her face was like she was gifting me this brilliant compliment, like this really nice little note. But essentially what she was saying, like, I don't know what you were thinking with that gown, but like that was a stupid choice. It was essentially with what she was saying. And in that moment, I remember like I had the smile on my face. I remember the haircut I had, it was like a little Bob and I had these little bangs up to the side. I had this rhinestone necklace around, it's like a choker around my collarbones with that black sweetheart dress. And I remember looking at her and I just cocked my head to the side. And I was about to say something and in just that moment, I felt my dad's hand, come across on my shoulder. And he wrapped his arm around me and my dad is the softest spoken person you've ever heard in your life. He doesn't talk really out loud. He has dad jokes, he says at home, but he's a very, very, very quiet man. And I feel my dad's arm go around me and he pulls me in close and he looks directly at that woman. And he goes, I don't think that's very nice to say. I think her gown was perfect. I think what you meant to say was the gown she chose was perfect. And he just kind of pulled me to the right and we walked away. And it was the sweetest thing I had ever, had ever experienced with my dad. He's like I said he's not an outspoken person. I've never seen him argue with anyone. But the fact that you stood up that woman had said, I think what you meant to say was that she looked beautiful, that it was perfect. And in that moment, that was I think the first time as an adult, I had realized that, wow, adults can be assholes. But they think they're being helpful. 


17:54  

And now as an adult today, although sometimes I still think of myself as not an adult but here I am pushing 40, how did this happen? I realized that, I think the data no matter what age you are, people are going to flub up and say the wrong thing even with the best intentions. And I think the same thing is true for you, I bet you at some point in your life, you thought you were being helpful to someone, you thought you were giving them loving advice because you have their best interests at heart. You didn't want them to get hurt. You didn't want them to miss something. There were really good intentions behind it. But I bet there has been some point in your life where you have said something similar to what that lady told me because I know I have. I think we've all done it and we all do it because we want to be helpful for people but sometimes that help is not actually helpful. 


18:46  

And the conversation I want to have today, what I want you to start thinking about is how you as a business owner, even as a person, how we have to be very mindful with the the words, the opinions, the inputs that we allow into our lives, into our minds because it's the inputs that really fuel the thoughts going through our minds about ourselves and about the world. And if the inputs are daggers, it's going to sway your thinking in the negative. It's if you have a tendency to be insecure or not quite sure if your ideas matter or what your working matters or let's say you've been working on your business, but things haven't taken off yet, you're not getting traction, having feedback that is not helpful is only going to stew your negative thoughts even thicker. So what we have to do is be mindful around what we allow in but the thing is, there's no mute button for people. You can't turn off people's opinions. They're going to have them you can't control them. But what you can do is develop a way to respectfully put up boundaries and choose intentionally how you let that feedback infiltrate or not in your life.


20:07  

There's a really beautiful quote that I know you have heard before. But I want to read this quote, because it's very, very apparent here. And you've probably heard this most popularly done by Brene Brown. She has this Teddy Roosevelt book, or Teddy Roosevelt quote in her books, but this quote is by Teddy Roosevelt. I don't remember when, specifically, he said this, but here's what it says. It's not the critic who counts, not the man who points out, how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who's actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood who strives valiantly, who airs, who comes short again and again, because there's no effort without error and shortcoming. But who does actually strive to do the deeds, who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end of the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. Why am I sharing with you this Teddy Roosevelt quote today? Well, I think it's pretty obvious. What we have to be mindful of is, a lot of times the opinions and feedback we get from others are from people who are not in the arena with us. 


21:29  

So the first thing I really want you to think about today is we have to be mindful of where the feedback is coming from. And I'm going to give you some, I'm gonna make this a practical episode. So I'm gonna give you a five steps today around how to filter out feedback to be able to determine is this helpful or not helpful, because I think this is a really, really powerful thing. I mean, make it in context of business, context of receiving feedback on social, receiving feedback from customers, but also make this very practical for those of you who do speaking and you want to elicit feedback from others so you have a third party person help you level up your speaking skills, you also need to filter that feedback, and I'll share with you why that's the case today. 


22:09  

But what I find is really interesting is feedback is not just in one category. I think it's really easy for us to compartmentalize feedback from strangers and trolls on the internet. I think it's really easy for us to do, like decompartmentalize that, even though I would think most newer online entrepreneurs really are terrified of getting trolled. I'm gonna raise my hand big on that when I was super terrified. Now, I don't really care. Like it's one of those things, if somebody says something, I'm like, oh, man, that's, that's on them, not on me. But I think there's a fear of that, right? But I think we can distance ourselves from random people on the internet, like it's a dumb problem, not an us problem. But where it's harder is when it comes from people you know, maybe a peer in your mastermind, or coming from a client, maybe it's coming from your mother in law, maybe it's coming from your well-intentioned sister, or uncle or your spouse or your partner. It can be harder to distance yourself from the feedback of people who know and love you. It can be hard to distance yourself from people who are well intended, but also they're not in the world of online marketing, or online business or entrepreneurship. What we have to do is we have to have some filtering in place to understand is this feedback we actually want and need. 


23:34  

So here are five steps, actually, no, just four steps, I simplified it, four steps to help you with this. So number one, if you find yourself in a position where you're getting feedback, step number one is you need to put on your feedback hat,. You need to put on your feedback hat, or walk away from the piece of feedback at the moment. So what I mean by that is you need to ask yourself the question, am I in a position where I can hear this feedback? 


24:06  

So for example, if you walk off a stage, and instantly somebody walks up to you, and they're like, oh my gosh, that was so awesome. You know, just a little tip for next time you talk really, really, really fast so I hope that you can work on slowing down or speed. By the way, I've gotten this exact scenario before early on in my speaking career. In that moment, I was on cloud nine stepping off of the stage. Was I in a position where I could hear that message? Oh hail no. So what you do is you plaster a spell on your face and say thank you so much and you get out of there. You get out of there right now. You are gracious, you say thank you, but you did not acknowledge it. You did not say I agree with you. You did not accept it. You did not say I work on that. You just say thank you, period, smile, get out. That's the thing. So but number 1, am I in a position to hear this? And in a lot of situations what I find is most people are not in their space to hear it. So if you actually want to react to the feedback, you have to first put on your feedback cap and say, am I in a space where I can hear this? And if not, get out of dodge. But if so say, okay, I'm ready and open for feedback, then proceed to step number two. 


25:16  

Step number two, filter out the unnecessary crap, filter out the unnecessary crap. Okay, this is a series of questions I'm just going to throw out here and you get to pick what resonates with you. But questions that you can use to filter out feedback is one, do I value this person's opinion? If the answer is no, smile, say thank you, period, get out of there. Question two. Is this coming from a place of personal preference? Example the lady with the feedback about my dress, she was old school. She was coming from a place of she likes probably sparkly, glittery, pageant gowns with slits in them. That was a personal preference thing, that had nothing to do with me. It had nothing to do with the relevant information that was her own personal preference. So filter out the unnecessary stuff. If somebody is telling you, why did you put blue on your website. Blue is so masculine. Filtered out, that's a personal preference. I don't care if they tell you psychologically speaking, blue means blah, blah, blah, whatever. If you like blue, use the frickin blue. Like, is there a personal preference piece where someone's telling you personal preference, I want you to slow down. Fun fact, I've since learned, it's not bad to talk fast. In fact, I have a very low tolerance for slow talkers. I'm like, oh, my gosh, speed up, my brain is moving way too fast for you and you're slow talking. It's a personal preference. Most things are a personal preference. But you have to ask, is their filter coming from like an objective playing field? Or is it coming from their personal preferences? And if it's a very personal preference thing that you're like, man, there's no merit to this? Thank you, period, get out of there. Another question, you can ask question three, is this person in tune with my ideal clients wants and needs, I'm gonna, or I'm gonna say that, again, is this person, the one giving you feedback, in tune with my ideal clients wants and needs. This one is huge. And what I mean by this is, if the person is your ideal client, you should listen. If the person is not your ideal client, and is not in tune or coming from a place of thinking about your ideal client, their opinion, really is just an opinion based in personal preferences.


27:54  

So if your sister in law is giving you feedback, if your mother is giving you feedback, if your partner is giving you feedback, chances are all of these people are not your ideal customer. You have permission to flush the toilet on their feedback by saying thank you, period, get out of there, end conversation. 


28:18  

If someone is giving you feedback, now, let's say here, let's say this, let's say your ideal customer is women in their 20s, who are transitioning out of college. I don't know that was example that came to mind and you are working on getting better on social media. And let's say that your sister in law is a social media manager and maybe she's in her 40s. Okay, well, she's not in tune with people in their 20s getting out of college, because she's got a couple of decades on them. But she is an expert at social media, so you might be like, okay, she's not in tune with my ideal person but she's in tune with a best practice and these things. Have a conversation around that but you have to keep in mind, at the end of the day, it's your responsibility to say, is this true for my actual audience? Only you and your audience can answer that question. So you got to take that feedback with a grain of salt. 


29:08  

So those are some things I want you to start thinking about is when you get feedback, put some filters in place. Do I value this person's opinion? Are they an expert in this area? Is this a tastes or preferences kind of thing? Is this person in tune with my ideal clients like wants and needs? This is a big one. For if it's your mother in law giving you feedback, or like, I'm sorry, unless they're your ideal client. Thank you. Period. Get out. You don't need your inlaws or your family or your friends from corporate giving you feedback around how to build your online business because let's be honest, they are not building an online business. So the feedback they're giving you with all the love in the world, they just want you to succeed. Their feedback might not be very helpful and it's okay for you to say thank you, period. Get out. I don't mean, get out the relationship, love on them, be open to them, but shut down the conversation. You do not have to talk to them about your business. 


30:06  

So move on to, okay, so step one, you got to make sure you're open to feedback, so put your feedback cap on. Step two, filter out the unnecessary stuff to ensure that what you're hearing is relevant. Step three, this is when you get to decide, I call this find or flush the feedback, find or flush the feedback. The flush part is pretty easy, right? If you've answered no to any of the above questions that we just talked about around, they're not your ideal person, they are not an expert. They are being loving, but not helpful. Thank you, period, next, move on, flush it down the toilet, you don't ever have to think about it again. Find the feedback. What I mean by that is sometimes people will give you feedback, sometimes It'll sting a little bit. If you respect the person, if you trust her opinion, and they are in tune with your ideal person and or are an expert in a certain field that you're in even though the feedback might be a little prickly, your responsibility as a business owner is to set aside the awkwardness or the emotions and say, can I find the gem in here that's useful? Can I find the actual feedback? You have to filter for it, right? Because you got to sift through all the other crap. But can you find it? Is there something that is helpful in here? That's your job, either find the real feedback or flush it down the toilet and move on. That's step three. 


31:33  

Step four, we've been doing this all along. Say thank you, period, be done with it. I think this one is the hardest for most people, you do not have to say oh my gosh, your feedback is so amazing. Thank you, oh my gosh, I'm gonna take that into mind, oh, my gosh, I'm gonna go reevaluate anything. Oh, I'm gonna go edit that right now, you do not need to give an explanation or follow up in any capacity. You do not owe anyone that. Thank you. Period, complete sentence. Completely respectful. You can do it graciously with your tone, you can smile, you can show genuine appreciation and period. Thank you. You can even say thank you, it's so kind of you to think about that way. I really love that you are supporting me in my business, I appreciate it so much, period. Do not acknowledge that you're going to consider the feedback, do not say I'm going to take this to heart, do not say I'm going to take this back to my team, you do not need to do any of those things because you don't even know if you're going to use the feedback or hear the feedback. Just thank you, period. That's it. You do not have, you do not owe them any follow up. And this is something that will feel uncomfortable because especially as women we feel this need to explain ourselves, we feel the need to make other people feel comfortable, to feel pat on the back, give them a reward, make them feel good about telling us their thoughts and opinions. But here's the thing, sometimes those thoughts and opinions are not helpful so do not give them the false belief that they are. You can be kind and you can cut it off. Thank you so much. It'd be very gracious. Thank you. Thank you so much. I really appreciate that period. Hey, how are the kids doing? Pivot, pivot to a new conversation, redirect. That's what you have to learn to be good with if you don't want to have those dialogues with your friends or family. 


33:29  

Now, I know there might be people in your life that you struggle with them continually bringing your feedback. And this was a specific scenario that happened with my client a couple of months ago that she had a family member consistently bringing her ideas for her business. Now mind you, the person bringing her ideas, had no business, hadn't been in business, didn't know anything about online business. But she just really loved her so much, and wanting to see her succeed, well intentioned so she kept bringing ideas. And as I say, in the south, bless her heart, my client didn't want to make her feel bad because she genuinely loved this person, and was appreciative that they were thinking about her. So there comes a time that sometimes we need to have more direct conversations. 


34:18  

One of my friends and I we call these cactus conversations, which means that there could be a little prickly, a little uncomfortable, so if you want to feel that we call them cactus conversations. And this might be one of those moments where you need to have a candid cactus conversation with your friend or family member to be a little more indirect to stop the inflow of feedback. So if you do need to have one of these conversations where let's say you have a, let's say you have a partner who wants to always problem solve, to give you ideas on things and what you actually want them just to listen, or let's say you have an in-law or someone who wants to give you all this advice, having a direct conversation could go something like this. One you lead with gratitude, thank them for thinking of you. Let them know it means a lot that they are thinking about you to bring you these ideas. So think them start with gratitude, then guide them to how they can best support you. So that could be like, Hey, thanks, Susie. I don't know why that's the name I chose. Susie, I really appreciate you. You bring me ideas about my business and like, clearly, you're thinking about me and my business. I just appreciate that you're so supportive of this new venture and it was scary taking the leap into entrepreneurship, and I love having you in my corner and I just appreciate you so much. Period, that was the gratitude. Two, the thing that would be most helpful for you, or for me and you supporting my business, and then tell them. I'd be like, liking my posts, cheering me on when I'm having a bad day. I don't know what else comes up, say something or focus on what they can do to support you and then make a request and say, you know, one of the things you can, you can blame a program you're in and you can call this podcast, a program if you'd like. Say, hey, one of the things I'm learning right now with my business coach is to be really intentional around where I'm focusing my energy and one of those areas is where I'm getting ideas. And you can joke and say, if you're like me, like I, you know, me, I read a lot of books, I listen to a lot of podcasts. And sometimes I can just have a lot of ideas swirling, and the more ideas that come my way, oftentimes, I actually find myself getting a little confused and not taking action. So one of the things I'm trying to do is to shut out how many ideas are coming in so that I can think clearly on the next steps for my business. So can you do me a small favor, I know that you in the past have been so appreciatibe, you brought me a lot of ideas. I'm just gonna ask for the next little bit or just say moving forward. Can you hold off on just sharing any ideas and stuff for my business right now as I navigate through this? And set some boundaries. So I still would love to talk to you like I want to hang out, we're friends, blah, blah. But I would, I'd prefer not to talk about the business as I'm leaving through this next phase. I don't know something like that. I'm just going off the fly here then end with gratitude. I appreciate you so much. I value our friendship. And I'd love to spend our time together focusing on having fun and not thinking about the business. Because let's be honest, it's consuming so much of my time. So I appreciate you and I know you're my biggest cheerleader. And you could say as, I was kind of uncomfortable to have this conversation, but I just value you so much and I just can't wait for us to have our conversations more in our normal life instead of the business life. 


37:41  

I don't know, maybe that's weird, make it your own, play something like that, but roleplay it out if you need to with someone else. But at some point, you might need to have a more direct conversation. Now the what I just modeled out was still kind of indirect. If you need to be explicit and say, hey, I've noticed, I don't know if you've noticed, but you'd have a tendency or you, you've given me a lot of feedback about my business, and can I like, can I just offer, the best way that you can support me is just to cheer me on. And when I asked for feedback, I'll call ask you if I need it. But I really would appreciate you not bringing me ideas, because I'm not actually at a shortage of ideas, I need to focus on implementation. I don't know, think about what's going to be comfortable for you. Some, like me, I might be super direct, and be like, I'm just gonna snap right to it. Go, be graceful, be gracious, give them the direct feedback. Some of you are gonna really want to tiptoe around it so you can use that lead with gratitude guide to how they can support you, make a request or set some boundaries, end with gratitude. 


38:43  

Now, if you need some help with boundary setting, we will link to the podcast episode I did. I think it was last year specific to setting boundaries in your life and in your business. So that is a good one there, I actually give you some scripting that you can use to set boundaries so pull from that. But coming back to it, feedback is super important in your business. It's how you learn what's working and what's not working. I mean, data is feedback. There's qualitative feedback, there's quantitative feedback. This piece here with the qualitative, this is where you have to get really, really good as a business owner, being able to filter it and ensure that you're not filtered in a way that's directing you on always, like just your opinion. Sometimes we're gonna have to have those roughly, feedback moments where you're faced with something from a customer that you're like, Ooh, I really should consider this. And that's where those steps we walk through today, right? Putting on your feedback cap. Two, filtering out the unnecessary. If you filter things out, right, of do you value this person's opinion. Is this not based on tastes and preferences? Is this person in tune of my ideal clients? If that's all yes then you get to determine okay, how do I find the truth in this even if it stinks? If those questions were no, flush the toilet, and then always end with the thank you, period. You don't have to over explain it. 


40:06  

If you can start embracing this, what you'll find is you can lean into more data driven decisions, and not get spun into the emotional do people like me? Do I make everyone feel good, because at the end of the day, I would bet that the work that you have in your heart, it's gonna sound a little fluffy, weird, but here we go. The thing you have in your heart around how you want to impact the world, how you want to help people in their lives, how you want to help people in their businesses, whatever the thing is, that you help people with, there is a requirement of discomfort. You're pushing people out of their comfort zone,and you're facilitating some change in their lives, whether you're teaching them how to start their own garden, you're teaching them how to become a better leader, you're teaching them how to create recipes to eat dinner time, you're teaching them how to have more confidence, whatever it is that you're teaching them, it's going to require them doing something different. It's going to require change, it's going to require them being uncomfortable. 


41:09  

In order for you to do that work, you need to focus more on that, and less on the distractions. The distractions are random advice, random things where you get spooled up in your own emotions around whether or not people like you, because here's the thing. It doesn't matter if people like you, that are not your ideal person, this might be a little bold statement, like what matters is the person that you can help in this world and the people that you love in this world, what matters is they get you at your best. And if you're putting your energy into these other things, reactions from people on the internet or this, oh, this person asked for a refund outside the refund period, or they had the audacity to say this module was crap, whatever. People are gonna have their opinions and if you are getting your panties in a bunch over these pieces of feedback, which may or may not be relevant, if you're expending all the energy in that, what energy do you have left to do your important work? What energy do you have left that you're bringing home at night for your family, for your kids for your partner? That's the question, because at the end of the day, you only have so much energy granted, Brendon Burchard says were like, what is that called? A water station, damn power plant. That's a thing. It's a power plant, we create our own energy. I don't know he's very famous for saying this example. I totally just butchered it. Oh, man, we're not even going to edit that because you're in real time with Heather. But yes, we can create more energy. But those moments if we're putting our focus into those, like exhaustions, getting Oh, I can't believe they said that. That is actually draining your battery. So you need to lean in to how you better serve your audience. Take the feedback that's going to amplify that and bring your energy and focus to the people that you love. I would imagine that's the reason why you're building this business in the first place. So it is your duty, it is your responsibility to get a handle on how you navigate feedback, because that will be the thing that will keep you stuck. We got to break the chains of the feedback or the need for everyone to think where the shit. We got to break those chains and start boldly walking in the direction of our goals and that will require ruffling some feathers. But those who love you, and respect you and are cheering you on, are going to respect you a hell of a lot more for you standing your ground. And I hope today's episode has got you fired up to either have those difficult conversations or navigate that next difficult moment when it comes because as you build this business, I'm confident that it will come. 


44:18  

Alright, I hope that you enjoyed this fired up conversation. As always, would you please reach out to me on Instagram? Send me a note and let me know what struck you today? Do you struggle with this topic? Is feedback one of those things that you dance around? Is that directness or having that conversation? Is that something you shy away from? What's your experience with feedback? I'd love to hear from you.And do you have any questions for how to navigate feedback, whether it's having these conversations to leader or having feedback around how to self give yourself feedback for your speaking skills? Let me know what questions you have and we'll do some follow up episodes on this conversation if it's one that's resonate with you. All right, friend. Thanks so much for joining today. I hope you have an incredible summer but like I said, I'll be back in new era next week, same time, same place.