The Heather Sager Show

Jill Stanton: Be Unapologetically You

June 09, 2021 Heather Sager Episode 100
The Heather Sager Show
Jill Stanton: Be Unapologetically You
Show Notes Transcript

Putting yourself out there can feel HARD. And being completely real, BOLD and opinionated? It can  be terrifying (what will people think?!). So while many say they WANT to stand out, they choose instead to blend in. 

But not today’s guest.

I wanted episode 100 to be special, so I sat down with the incredible Jill Stanton of Screw the Nine to Five for a real talk convo about life, business, being a mom and making noise. 

In this episode, Jill opens up and shares her struggle of self-doubt, how she stays future focused and positive by changing her thoughts, and of course, we’ll talk about how Jill approaches speaking on a stage. 

Watch the interview on video, grab the show notes here and full episode transcript here.

>> AND HEY! ARE YOU AN ONLINE ENTREPRENEUR WANTING TO ATTRACT DREAM CLIENTS? Join me on my FREE TRAINING where I'll teach you how to nail your message when speaking on podcasts, live video and other virtual stages to grow your online business. 

>> JOIN INFLUENTIAL SPEAKING FOR ONLINE ENTREPRENEURS, our free Facebook community where you can ask questions and connect with other business owners leveling up their speaking and marketing chops.

>> CONNECT WITH HEATHER ON INSTAGRAM @theheathersager for daily tips and inspiration.

Jill Stanton  0:00  
Sometimes we just have to switch from like be from worrying to being willing, right? It can be that slight of a shift like how many of us have ever, how many people listening right now can jive with, like, I just hope this works out? Or what if I lose money? Or what if it fails? Or what if it doesn't work? What will people think of me if or what if I get canceled? Or what? You know, all the nonsense that we deal with as entrepreneurs. What happens if I hire a VA and she ghost me, what happens, you know? What if we just switched that default mode of worrying to being willing to do what it takes to get the results, create the life and build the kind of business you want. It's just such a subtle tweak, but it really just takes you stepping into a place of like being conscious around catching those disempowering beliefs, or catching the disempowering things you say about yourself, or catching those low vibe thoughts and cancelling them in the moment and then replacing them or correcting them with something you really want to believe, something that is in support of where you want to go, everything you want to create, everything you want to have everything you want to experience.

Heather Sager  1:12  
Well, hey friend, welcome to another episode of The Heather Sager Show. It's me, Heather Sager and I'm honored to be your speaking coach here today in this episode. I've spent the last 15 years studying and building my communication skills to inspire and teach business owners and their teams from stages around the world. I've had the honor of speaking on more than 1000 stages on topics of leadership, premium brand positioning, sales, and of course communication. And now my focus is helping fellow online entrepreneurs become magnetic speakers, so they can make a bigger impact in the world while growing their income. This show right here was designed to give you a dedicated space each and every week to grow your skills and keep your big goals front and center. And if you liked today's episode, be sure to grab a screenshot and share it to Instagram and tag me @theheathersager so I can get you a shout out and celebrate the work you're doing. All right, let's dive in, friend. It's gonna be a good one.

Well, hey, friend, welcome, welcome to Episode One freaking hundred of The Heather Sager Show! Holy crap, can you believe it? I can and I can't. It feels like it's been both and eternity and also a hot minute, it's like raising a newborn right where it's like it never ends but it goes by in just a second. That's what it's like ready to podcast. We've had so much fun together and I can't believe that you keep showing up every single week. I don't take it lightly. I know there's a lot of freaking podcast to choose from so it really does mean the world that you choose to come here every week in my weirdness, in my random Sager side notes and tangents, but also the good freakin stuff that we've covered together.

Today's conversation for Episode 100, I wanted to be special. I wanted to have a conversation with someone that I admire, someone who I think have has paved a path that I think many of us are honestly quite freaked out about. Let me explain that. I think a lot of times when we step up to the microphone or step up with the camera, we know we want to make an impact. We want to reach and connect with people. We know we have something to share that could help other people because of our experiences or stories, the knowledge we've collected along the way we want to pay it forward. With that, we also know that if we bring our fullest personality, our full opinions on things, it also might rub people the wrong way, and I think a lot of times people hold back on their full personality on their full opinion because they don't want to piss people off. They don't want to be get the like fingers pointing back at them that they're wrong, and what happens is we become a little vanilla. We just kind of like sink back and want to blend in and we start acting like everyone else which means we don't stand out which means our message doesn't actually reach the people we want it to. So in order for us to be bold and brave and put our voices out there and reach the people that are waiting to hear from us, we have to subject ourselves to the hard things. We have to subject ourselves to potential criticism and judgment and dance with imposter's syndrome. We have to be uncomfortable being present on a stage that we don't necessarily know how people will receive it, and I get it. It's a scary thing. It's something that we all struggle with. But here's the thing that people that you admire online it's not that they are some unbreakable force or that they don't have that imposter's syndrome muscle or, I don't know if that's a muscle but what we're gonna call it right now. I just think that they've learned how to take action in spite of it. They've learned how to operate in the fear, in the unknown, in the discomfort while still showing up as a light for others. And Jill is one of those people that I admire, she does it boldly. She shows up, she shares her opinion, she she has a big personality, she's not afraid to swear on stage, which by the way she does in this episode. So side note, if you don't love profanity, little F-bomb here and there, this episode is probably not for you. I've marked it explicit. We'll be back for clean episodes next week. 

We covered the gamut today. I really appreciate how Jill, she calls it like it is. She shares her opinion, she's totally unapologetic for it and she knows she's either for some or not. And that's perfectly, not only fine with her, it's great with her. She is 50% of the brand, Screw the Nine to Five. If you haven't heard of that brand, if you're in the online course creator space, you probably have. They help people move from their their full time jobs into this course creation membership space. It's just a fun, funky brand. I don't know, I just love Jill. So I am just going to turn it over the episode because I think you're really going to enjoy it too. It's just two moms, entrepreneurs, talking around all things business and life. And I hope that you feel like you're sitting at the table with us today with a cup of coffee, just talking as gals around what it's like to show up in business fully as yourself and some of the inner struggles that happened along the way. Jill shared a couple things today that really surprised me, including her fear of public speaking and the process she goes through now and some of the inner self-doubt that she has gone through over the years. She really opens up and I am so grateful. I hope that it encourages you to be a little bit more brave and vulnerable with how you show up with your brand and your business. Without further ado, here's my incredible episode with, Jill Stanton.

Alright friends welcome back to another episode of the Heather Sager show, I am thrilled to introduce you for Episode 100. Welcome, welcome, Jill Stanton, to the show. 

Jill Stanton  7:55  
Hello, thank you so much. If I knew this was gonna be Episode 100, I definitely would have done my hair and I definitely would have worn something cuter but like, pretend like putting a party emoji over my face or making me the red dancing girl. 

Heather Sager  8:08  
I think I could figure out how to do that. But I think the time it would take me to figure out how to, we can do that in post production. But I will say, I'm already so excited. I'm taking off my sweater because I need full arms for today's episode. It's so good. And I love the fact that you don't need to do your hair, you get to wear that scrunchie situation because we're talking about showing up consistently even when we don't want to and bring in our full selves online, like it or not. We're just gonna have like a fun conversation about what it means, I think specifically to be a woman figure if that means anything in the online space. So for those who might not be familiar with you and your work and your company, Screw the Nine to Five, can you share a little bit about yourself? Give the fun highlight reel that you wish other people would allow you to give on their episodes.

Jill Stanton  9:03  
 Oh, man, well, my husband always says I'm a talker so stop me if it goes on too long.

Heather Sager  9:07  
You're in good company on that one.

Jill Stanton  9:09  
I'm one-half of Screw the Nine to Five. My husband Josh is the other half, and then I also have another brand called the Millionaire Girls Club. But with the Screw we help course creators and coaches who are under the $3,000 a month mark, get their businesses cranking, get their offers dialed in and get their business across $100,000 a year mark so that they can quit their jobs and never look back. That has taken a long time for us to really hone in. If anyone here and I know you mentioned that your audiences, you know, within their first three years or so. My first three years, my first five years really if I'm being honest, like we started the Screw in 2013. We had the idea for it  in 2012 but sad on it due to fear so I'm sure people can vibe with that like not feeling ready yet, and so I would say for minimum the first three years. Oh, it was just a cluster F of emotions and feelings and ugly crying and day drinking and throwing stuff at the wall to see what sticks and amping up what does and cutting what doesn't. And so if anyone can ever vibe with that, like I hear you, I feel you, I know how it feels. The one thing that really helped us get to where we are now and I know we're gonna dive into it in a deeper way is like really starting to hone in the inner game, right? Starting to use the voice we all have in our heads. Anytime I say this in our own course creators boot camps, I'm like, who here thinks there's like two of you? And people are like no, and I'm like, but at that when I asked you that did, like a voice inside your head be like, what she talking about? That's the voice I'm talking about, right? The second little voice that just could draw so much of what we do. Starting to learn how to master that and identify it and being able to catch it when it comes up. That really helped to catapult us forward. So some of the highlights that I wish people would ask me about, I started my first video or online TV show in the days of My Space 2006 when you could still erase things off the internet, thank God, because I built it around like being the Sex in the City meets the view for women in their 20s. And I would die if any of that stuff was still out there now. 

Heather Sager  11:26  
Oh my gosh, it has to come out into the world like that has to be, you have to find one and you can choose which one but that has to make its way into this world. I would like do IGTV situation. 

Jill Stanton  11:39  
Certainly not. Oh god.

Heather Sager  11:42  
The title, look how far I've come. 

Jill Stanton  11:45  
We'll just say I had a lot of fun in my 20s and I talked about it on a video show and I'm very glad that I could erase it. I also met my husband on a blind date. That's another thing I wish people would know. I introduced my sister to his best friend and they are now married and so we've got this little fairy tale situation going on which is just random facts. I'm about to move to the Caymans, so just a lot of random facts that I wish other people ask about that have nothing to do with our journey. 

Heather Sager  12:15  
I love the random facts. So random facts, not so random, but what do you think about right now, so the time of this recording, recording in May this is going to come out in June. What is one or two of the things that you're most excited about looking ahead right now in life and business? 

Jill Stanton  12:32  
100% are moved to the Cayman Islands. It came about in such a sink. I said to Josh the other day, that is the biggest, other than my son which I had a very like I believe it was like the universe working through me which sounds so woo-woo but I could share that story if we wanted to, but it really felt like a universal wink for him coming into my life. This is the second biggest thing like the most obvious universe wink I've ever had in my life where it's like, oh my god, that was universe like directing our life because for years, we are trying to move down here where we are right now in Puerto Rico. We have so many good friends here, like our families here. We've been coming here for three years, like waiting to get in and then COVID obviously closed immigration in the US. I'm Canadian, Josh is Australian and so we've never been able to get in. And so we came down in 2021 and we're like, well just wait it out. Surely they're open it sooner than later but it's still not open. And anyways, Josh met this chick on a hike here and she was like, oh, why are you in Puerto Rico? You're Australian. And he's like, well, me and my wife are trying to move here. And she's like, why would you move to Puerto Rico when you can move to the Cayman Islands. It's way easier. It's way better and 0% tax and we're like, what? And that sent us down the rabbit hole which just I don't know, it's just brought in so much magic, so the thing I'm the most excited about is our Cayman Islands move, getting my son set up and like a regular routine. We've been traveling so much that we don't have a home base which is nice in its own way because we're out of Canada and the lockdowns and we're like carving own path. But also he's like three, he asked to play with friends every day like I want that for him as well. Yeah, and I very much want to see what we can make happen in a zero tax countries. I'm very excited for that. And then business wise I'm very excited about my retreats for Millionaire Girls Con. My first one is next March and then in for the Screw, I'm very excited about these, we host these course creator accelerators that are just, we love them so much they just get our peeps such great results and successes and it's just really cool to witness and be a part of and we have plans to go even bigger, so those are two things I'm really really really excited about 

Heather Sager  14:46  
Okay, this is the, I love this. 

Jill Stanton  14:49  
I'm a talker.

Heather Sager  14:50  
I love your a talker. I'm a talker. My episodes are never short, everyone knows that. Here's what I love. This is one of my favorite parts about having conversation is you can always tell when people are excited about things. I think this is the entrepreneurial way, when you have an idea when you're excited about something, you can't shut up about it. You just kept talking and you'll tell everyone, and that's what we do as entrepreneurs. And I always say, like, if as an entrepreneur, if someone is not excited and talking about the possibility around what they're building, but instead, they're talking about what's not working and what's wrong with them, why they can't do it like that narrative, you can tell who's going to figure it out and who's not going to figure it out. So this was one of the things that instantly attracted me to you, was your ability to stay future focused and positive focus and not really allow for that mental inner crap of negativity that happens in this discussion a lot. So talk a little bit about that. Has that always come naturally to you or did you did you used to be a negative Nancy? 

Jill Stanton  15:59  
Not negative, just disempowered. I wasn't aware how much of a victim I was being. I wasn't aware of how much I would complain or blame outside circumstances or justify why we didn't have the results or the momentum, or the savings or the team or the opportunities or, you know, whatever the habits, whatever it was. I would justify why that wasn't the case and make it like external and it was actually like truly in 2018 right before I had my son when I first read my first like, mindset book, Dollars Flow To Me Easily by Richard Dotts and it was like the domino for me. I started really trying to get clear on or starting to notice and observe the thoughts I was saying and the things I would or the thoughts I was thinking, things that I were saying, right? Because so often we say things that are just so default and so automatic for us and so freakin disempowered, right? A lot of people email back off our emails, or you know, they DM me on IG, and whatever. And they're like, you know, I hope I'll be able to get to this or something like that. I'm like, you can like just switch the hope to like I'm committed to, right? Sometimes we just have to switch from worrying to being willing, right? It can be that slight of a shift. How many of us have ever, how many people listening right now can jive with, like, I just hope this works out? Or what if I lose money? Or what if it fails? Or what if it doesn't work? What will people think of me if or what if I get cancelled? Or what? You know, all the nonsense that we deal with as entrepreneurs, like, what happens if I hire a VA and she ghost me? What happens, you know? What if we just switched that default mode of worrying, to being willing to do what it takes to get the results, create the life and build the kind of business you want. It's just such a subtle tweak, but it really just takes you stepping into a place of like being conscious around, catching those disempowering beliefs, or catching the disempowering things you say about yourself, or catching those low vibe thoughts and canceling them in the moment, and then replacing them or correcting them with something you really want to believe, something that is in support of where you want to go, everything you want to create, everything you want to have, everything you want to experience. And so I always try to start there because I did used to complain a lot, and I did used to just, like, kind of be a dick. I was just like, hmm, you know, this sucks and I wish our team would do this. I was like, such a blamer, and looking back it was just so freakin obnoxious, I'm sure to listen to. I'm like, oh my god, I would have been like, yo, if it was mean listening to me, but not like it wasn't me. I'd be like, can you get your shit together already? You're so annoying to listen to? How much I would complain, so that is a big one that I had to upgrade. 

Heather Sager  18:53  
I feel you on that I like you said that I have to upgrade. I think I live in this constant state where I will say I should be both embarrassed and proud of who I was a year ago, five years ago because we always should be constantly evolving, right? Where I like cringe sometimes, I think about like my videos a year ago or my mindset a year ago, where I cringe, but I'm also proud because I know that I was like doing my best and like working out of it, so I always live in that same like tandem. And I always tell people, especially when we're working on them getting more confident on video, like you should be laughing at your videos from a year ago. At the time be proud, be proud that you did it. But if you are not growing, both from how you articulate yourself, but I also think this conversation here on how you're thinking and problem solving, if you are not like constantly transforming, you're not going to achieve the goals that you want to achieve. So I love you talk about this. We're on the same timeline, my youngest son, he was also born in 2018. That was a big year for me of when I was like I'm leaving the job but I'm burning the bridges as they say. Jump on it, here we go, like, shed everything, including the baby, like weigh all this stuff out. When you talk about this idea of shifting the worry to the willing, I love that phrasing. I think a lot of times people hear us cover these kinds of things like, oh, it sounds so simple, just catch it. And then we get into the shit that is business and in life and then we forget and later we're like, dammit, we were supposed to do this, or oh, I missed it again. So can we get geeky for a second because I know, you do things really tangibly on your podcast and just in your work? You're like, here's what to do. Can you give us some meat around, how can someone stop shifting from they know they should do that or they know like, yes, we're supposed to do those things. But how do we make it practical in the day to day crap that happens in life and business? 

Jill Stanton  20:54  
I think it starts with awareness, right? Awareness is the first domino to any level of change. You can change what you don't acknowledge Thanks, Dr. Phil, who busted that out in like, the early 2000s, and it's stuck with me ever since but it really does start there. And look, it's it's been a muscle for me that I've had to grow or build or get more consistent with since 2018. I don't always get it right. But here's a few things that work for me. One, is like noticing where or when you start to spiral, right? So like, do you have anything physiologically that comes up for you. For me, like, my breath gets shorter, right, I breathe really shallow and I like to clenched my shoulders or my shoulders raise. And I'm just like, everything's great guys, you know, but I like hold my tension there or my freak outs happen in my chest and in my shoulder. So I've started noticing, like, when I'm spiraling in my thoughts, I'll notice my breath is shortened. I've trained myself to view that as my body's alarm system, letting me know my thoughts are off. When I catch myself in shallow breathing, or my shoulders are clench or whatever it is, or my mind is spiraling, right, like how many of us have been in those thoughts spirals, where it's like, what if this doesn't work? What happens if no one buys? What happens if I get made fun of? What happens if I lose money? What happens if my husband's mad at me? What happens if blah, blah, you know, like, we just go down these thoughts spirals that just like pick up so quickly, it's hard to like, turn a corner with them. When you notice yourself in that, that's your first chance to catch it. Just noticing like, oh, I'm in a thought spiral, right? And that you'll be so proud of yourself the first time you notice it right and then just start getting better and better at it. It doesn't happen right away. It very much is because like you're disrupting default thinking from over however many decades. Of course, it's going to take a minute for you to get it, right? So it's just about making it a habit to check in with yourself. What was I just thinking there? Or how was I thinking? Was I focused on problems? Was I focused on complaining? Was I focused on judging? Was I focused on worrying about money? What was it for me? Start catching it. And then if you're a weirdo, like me, like I have two phrases. I always go to one is cancel, I will literally say it out loud. I'm so committed to it. Now I've been doing it for three years. I sound like a weirdo because if I find myself out and about which sounds so Canadian out and about. And I find myself in that I will just be like cancel, like just out loud by myself, cancel. Or if I'm in a real one, I will say, like a real strong one. I'll sit there in a like, cancel, cancel, cancel, cancel, cancel, cancel, cancel, cancel, cancel, cancel until I just interrupt the thought. I'm very aware how destructive some of these thought patterns can be and so I'm committed to canceling them. And then once you've cancelled that you just simply correct it. What do you want to believe? So you caught the thought in the middle of it, you canceled it. If you're a weirdo like me, you'll say cancel out loud. Or another one is I don't think that way anymore. That's not how I think anymore. I just like tell myself, that's not how I think anymore. And then the third step, the final step is to correct it with what you want to believe. Everything's working out for me. I'm the type of chick who gets everything she wants. I'm right on track. I expect magic. You know, I'm doing the best that I can. I'm committed to growing this business every day and in every way I'm getting better and better. I'm building skills. I'm on the journey to creating wealth like whatever it is for you, like I'm becoming more confident. I'm becoming better at this. I've got my first customer, whatever it's gonna be. It's just like these little reminders that help you consciously correct the thoughts you want to think and you've replaced them with things that are empowering and in alignment with where you want to go, who you want to be and what you want to experience. 

Heather Sager  24:55  
Yes. Okay, I love I love this. You use the phrase, cancel and then correct. Reminds me of a similar process that I do. I say, release. So release, and release and then replace, so we have like very similar similar things there. I had this, okay, I'm gonna have a mom moment here. I use that analogy using our toddler children. Here's what I envision because I think what happens to a lot of people is we study and we learn, and we're like, oh, yeah, all this sounds good. And then we just expect it to happen because we've read about it, and maybe we write down some affirmations that we do when we're at our best drinking or morning coffee but that's it. What I like to think about, so recently my son, he goes to preschool. He's at this like daycare that they transitioned what's called a quote,-unquote, baby toddler house. He's been there since he was four months and then they're supposed to then transition to a preschool but they've decided to transition this daycare of the babies and toddlers into the preschool. So what's fascinating is my older son when he was like three, he started in a preschool and he instantly learned how to behave because there were older kids. My younger son, who is quite the terror, they're, like, all like trying to figure out their lives. I'm just imagining, like, imagine for a moment that you as an adult are all of a sudden responsible for 18 three year olds, and you'd like watching and you're supposed to get them to sit at a table and feed lunch. Honest moment, that's like my worst nightmare. I don't know that. So like, imagine like, of course, they're gonna run like crazy, right? You're constantly going to be like chasing after a little Johnny and whoever. Trying to get everyone to come back and you're constantly corralling, but over time, as you start giving directives to these kids, putting rules in place, reinforcing what they're supposed to do over time, they're gonna fall in line and you're gonna have less of the craziness happening. I think about our thoughts in our brains, we think that they're just supposed to fall in line because we've like, established the rules, or we've said, this is how we think now or we've learned how to do it but we haven't. It's like a constant, like with a toddler, you constantly have to tell the child ie., tell your thoughts, this is what we do now, this is how we behave. When you had said that phrase, this is not how we think anymore. It's such a simple thing and I always laugh because people who don't do a lot of personal development work, they're like, this sounds stupid. I would not say that to myself. Do you want to have better thoughts? Do you want to upgrade your thinking? Do you want to get like, you have to speak to your thoughts like that because our thoughts are like the crazy toddlers, like they will run amok unless you create some boundaries and teach your thoughts how to behave. That's probably the weirdest analogy that you've experienced on a podcast.

Jill Stanton  27:54  
 Your toddler thoughts will make you scream into a pillow and want to drink extra wine. 

Heather Sager  28:00  
Yes. It's like you're in quarantine with them, which brought a lot of other things, but they're always there, and until we tell our like, this sounds so weird. Until we tell ourselves what to think differently, we're going to continue into that spiral. 

Jill Stanton  28:16  
I agree, big time, and not making it mean anything bad if you don't catch it up first, right? Or if you go if you're like, oh, shoot, I didn't catch it. Oh, I haven't changed yet. Oh, I must not be good at it. No, no, that right there is exactly what we're talking about, like even making bad or, you know, low vibe or making you not smart or not able to do it or not, you know, whatever, committed enough, even that is a low vibe thought that you can catch and cancel. 

Heather Sager  28:48  
I think it's so important that we constantly give ourselves grace while expecting more from ourselves. Those are two things that they don't feel aligned, but they're perfectly aligned. You can expect more from yourselves and offer yourself grace. As long as you're in motion. It's like, I don't care if you took one baby step today or like you ran a mile, like as long as you're moving forward and you're taking corrective action, that to me is the priority. But I think you're spot on that when we have this new idea, let's say this. Somebody listens to this show and they're like, okay, I'm gonna upgrade my thinking. Okay, there it is. I don't think that anymore, cancel, cancel, replace. And then they have like a disaster in their business and react. Our old habits come in, right? Where it's not working like, I don't know. Do you still have moments where you beat yourself up or maybe you you probably don't use that term. But what do you do when you find yourself spinning? Does it still happen? I know you probably catch yourself but how is that shifted for you in the last few years? 

Jill Stanton  29:54  
I've more so shifted it to like, what is this trying to show us or how is this happening for us versus like this is a problem that can't be fixed or this is happening to us, or we aren't in control. I am a true believer that everything is in service and that sounds that triggers a lot of people when I say that because they're like, well, how is it in service for me to have this happen or grow up this way or blah, blah, blah, whatever it is, right? But I think it all comes down to responsibility and by that I mean response-ability, your ability to choose your response, right? how you react in that moment, the thoughts you think the actions, you take the words you say, how you show up, how you think about problems, how you look for solutions, right? Your response-ability is everything in this whole business space because you are creating the uncreated, and therefore you're going to be in a place of discomfort a lot of the time. If you're not in discomfort, then it probably means you're too comfortable, right? Because the most successful people I know, are constantly leaning into discomfort, right? They're constantly looking for ways to grow, they're constantly pushing their edges, they're constantly looking for, you know, if things are going to good for a while, like, what's going wrong here or not, what's wrong, but like, where could we push things more? What could we try? What could we test? What can we add in? Who can we bring onto the team? They're always looking to expand and to grow. And that doesn't always come from just like being reactive and thinking it's all happening to you and acting like a victim and blaming. It comes from this growth mindset of like, I'm the creator of everything I experienced. And so clearly, I had some sort of thought pattern, I took some sort of action, I put something out there that brought this into my experience right now and therefore I need to determine, how do I want to move forward with this. And also on that note, I also think that when something bad happens people think that that's the way it's going to be and that's how it is and like, I can't change this. But if you could zoom out, you would probably see that it's working out even better for you. You're just in it too much, so you you have no perspective, you have no bird's eye view and so you think that it's the end of the world, when really it might just be a redirection.

Heather Sager  32:17  
 Hmm, oh, my gosh, that's so good. It's so good. It's an example of how much our thought processes can change over time. We are talking about just the journey of 2018, around how you were thinking to just now your automatic response, when you think through things. It's a very different approach. I think it's easy for somebody to dismiss it and be like, oh, that's too weird, or oh, that's too much work for me, or I don't know, like, I can't change or, oh, I have this scenario. And I think asking ourselves better questions and it's just some of the simple ones that you gave today, asking better questions is just going to shift what you're focused on in that moment.  

Jill Stanton  32:57  
I think even if you could just start with how's this happening for me, not to me. Even that would help you see things in a new light. How might this be happening for me? For example, I have a sorry, go ahead. 

Heather Sager  33:14  
Well, I was gonna say when you had talked about how some people get kind of pissed about that idea around like, oh, but this happened. I will tell you that down. I was totally one of those people, even a year ago. I still struggled when people would use that phrase, how could this be happening for me because I often talk about and this is not a like, whose life is worse thing. I hate it when people start comparing their struggles against other people. I think we all have our own struggles and we have to figure out how we handle those. But I talk openly all the time around how when I was a teen, my mom had cancer, and she died right before my 18th birthday. I talked about that. So very like instrumental to what I like referred to as my like signature story is around how that moment, well, of course, I would never want it on anyone else and nor what I like wish that my mom, I'm not happy that she died. But the fact that she did, and the how I navigated through it, it is directly correlated to who I am today and how I talk about myself in my business. I have a story around how we created a nonprofit in her name and how I was chosen as the spokesperson for this organization and before then I was really shy but that drove me to be a person who would speak in the spotlight because there was a reason to. I look back and now it's really interesting because going back a year ago, I didn't talk about that story in that way. But now anytime anyone hears me on a webinar or on any of my content and I talk about that story, it's a really pivotal moment because I realized that that moment taught me the difference between some people seek the spotlight and others are called into it. And that was the moment where I was called in the spotlight saying when something's important enough, you step and that was a click for me of going. Okay, that is an example of no, my mom didn't die so that I become a public speaker. That's preposterous. Nobody's saying that but the fact that my mom died, and then I had an experience around it to be able to learn skills, to build resiliency, to become far more independent, and all these other beautiful things that came from it, that in spite of that thing happening, holy shit I grew and I would not be the kind of person I am today, doing the kinds of things I am today, had that not been my reaction or response to that situation. So for anyone listening have going like, oh, no, I don't think things happen to be like Haha, I'm gonna teach you this lesson. It's life is shitty, shitty things are going to happen. We choose what happens next. That's where the story begins. 

Jill Stanton  35:53  
So a few things. And I definitely want to come back to life is shitty, but guaranteed your mom. She's probably so proud that you use that experience to better improve your life, right? After you healed not that I'm sure, my mom's still with me, so I'm not sure if you ever heal from that kind of thing but I'm sure she's really proud and really grateful that you use that experience to fuel your life forward, you did important work through nonprofits, and now you are out there and changing lives and making an impact and making a dent in the world. I'm sure she's way happier or way more proud or way more grateful or way more appreciative of you using that to positively fuel your life rather than getting stuck in a you know, repetitive cycle of maybe depression or feeling blue or whatever it is, right, which brings me to the whole life is shitty thing. Life isn't shitty, life is contrast. Right? It's good and bad. It's shitty and great. It's up and down. Spicy and mild. It's hot and cold, hard and easy, right? It's good. It's exhilarating and excruciating. It's both, and it's the meaning we assigned to it that gives it that feeling because life in itself as a whole is neutral. Right? The world going on as it is is neutral. It's the meaning we assign to it, the story we give to it, that makes it shitty or great, right? Shitty or spectacular if you want to use two S's. And I think that piece also is something entrepreneurs need to hear because when you're in a loop of it just feeling shitty, well, it's really hard to get out of that because it reinforces it, right? Because you're in that that belief cycle. You're like, business is hard, business is hard, I can't make money, I don't know how to do this, this never works, maybe I'm not cut out for this, I'm losing money, you know, everyone else's? Why is it so easy for them? Why does she get this experience? Why does he have that team? What is her launches do that well? You know, we get in this loop of like, looking outside of ourselves or comparing ourselves. And I'm not saying you're never, not to compare yourself because that's always going to happen, for sure. But what I am saying is like to not make those comparisons real and to realize that when you are or not make those comparisons true is really what I mean, they're like not taking it in and being like this is capital T, truth for me. And when we are in those thought spirals, all you're doing is essentially your mind isn't like it has so much momentum, it's just calling up supporting thoughts which just tack on to each other and it like stacks this momentum and that's why it feels so hard to get out of it. But even going back to that, if you can just say if you catch yourself in that, that's where a perfect,  out loud cancel will work wonders for you because it'll allow you to realize, oh my god, I wasn't one of those low vibe thoughts spirals and now I can replace it and that's how you start changing it right? So maybe even coming back to like, oh, no, business isn't shitty or business isn't hard, business is contrast and it can just as easily be exciting, right? It can be excruciating in this moment, but I can also choose to see it as like exciting like, wow, I can't even imagine the skills I'm learning right now or the emotional resiliency I'm learning right now are the leadership skills I'm learning right now that are going to fuel me as I get to this point in my business, right, because there's always ways to turn it around. It's just the meaning we're giving to it and so that's what I wanted to touch on that as well.

Heather Sager  39:32  
I love the fact you called out like it's not that it's shitty. It is we assign the meaning to things there is good and bad. Okay, weird example. I would be a terrible movie critic, like terrible, because I watch movies and oh I'm like it is funny, like, oh, it's good. And people are like, that was terrible. I could watch the same movie as someone else and they would think it's the worst thing ever and I thought it was great. I think that's an example of everything, extending with books. I am a geek. I read a lot of books. I'm sure you did, too. I always look at the book reviews because I'm curious is my take, this is so dumb in alignment with like, the star rating on Goodreads. And I look at then I'm always drawn to the one stars and like, why? Why was it so terrible for you? And for me, I'm always like four stars, five stars, four stars, five stars. And I think it goes back to, I love how you said, like, when you're in a, like a disempowering thought pattern, you keep finding more reasons to make that true and you keep going further and further and further further down. But on the opposite is, when you are thinking empowering thoughts that you're in control, you choose your meaning, and you find the opportunity, you keep looking for more of that so you're on the up and up and up and up. I think we have to be aware of some times that when we are going like if we are in a self destructive mode, or we are thinking about negative things, or things not working, just that awareness around like, this is feeling really hard. Is it because I keep finding the hardness in it? Or could I ask different questions and redirect? I had this vision of me going down a waterslide that was like in a tube where it's like the negative thoughts or the disempowering thoughts as you called them. It's like, you're stuck in that tube slide and you can't get out because you're just like down the water, it goes down the toilet it goes. I don't know, weird. We're going in a weird space here. 

Jill Stanton  41:23  
It kind of reminds me of like, there's a saying, the better it gets, the better it gets. I think it can be true for the opposite as well, the worse it gets, the worse it gets. Because as you were noticing how shitty it is, well, you're bringing in more experiences to notice how shitty it is, right? Even when people think about money and they think to themselves, like, I want to make a lot of money, I want to make a lot of money, I want to make a lot of money, I want to make a lot of money, I want to make a lot of money. And what they're not realizing is like the pure focus there while they think I'm like, I want to make a lot of money, yay, let's go make a lot of money. But even in that, like in that little thing right there, I want to make a lot of money, I want to make a lot of money. The underlying focus of that is simply I'm not making a lot of money, right? Like there's not enough money there, which is why I want to make more money, right? And so the universe is thinking, okay, cool. This chick wants to make a lot of money. Let's give her more experiences or circumstances to strengthen that wanting, not the having, just the wanting because the wanting is a perpetual state of not having, right. So when you were focused on the not having, well, what do you get more of? Circumstances of not having, right? And it's like, the worse it gets, the worse it gets, the more you observe how shit things are, or how you know all this, how angry social media is like a 24 seven outrage of that and that's what's causing you to like not show up and speak up and stand into the spotlight, step up into the spotlight because you're like, I'm gonna get called out, I'm gonna get called out, it's so shitty on here, it's so noisy, it's so crowded. It's so you know, you know, just really mean right now, really dark right now? Well, all you're going to notice is more examples of that because it's strengthening what you already believe. So if you could just train yourself and yes, again, like we're going back to it, it takes time. It's a muscle you build. It's not instant, which is why I think most people won't do it. But if you can get into a rhythm of it, habit of it, whatever it is, like even changing your phone screen. I love changing my phone screen, check helpful little reminders. My current one is people love to pay me. Can you see that?

Yeah, yeah. I love it. What's the picture of? 

It's a house in the Caymans. Okay, I was gonna say, current house or dream house. Okay, I love it. I love it.

Pulling through to be a current house. But yeah, so just noticing the good things. The better it gets, the better it gets, the more good things I observed the more good things come into my life and so training yourself to find that and really be okay with allowing it to be a habit that you strengthen over time. 

Heather Sager  44:12  
Yeah, okay. I love this. I've been writing down some phrases that you say because they're good, and they're gonna make great little quotables for you. 

Jill Stanton  44:21  
Can we just share the shit out of it?

Heather Sager  44:20  
We're gonna share the shit out of this, people. Wanting perpetuates the state of not having. Oh my gosh. I really want for anyone listening like go back and like, hit the 32nd back button twice and go back and listen to that again. Because I see this is where so many entrepreneurs, especially those who are struggling to hit whatever their next milestone is, is the the $10,000 mark or the 100 that, whatever that next mark is that that idea of they want it but they're perpetuating not having. There's just like desire, I want to be consistent on Facebook Lives, I want to start a podcast, I want to be a guest speaker here, I want to book the whatever clients, I want these things. So they keep thinking, look, this is what I want, but they still don't have and then they get frustrated so they start seeking more training, more of this, like, this is piece there. So let's talk specifically right now. But go ahead, go ahead. You have an idea.

Jill Stanton  45:01  
I was just gonna say, well, the thing that needs to switch there is like how wanting is a perpetual state of not having. It just they have to switch from wanting into doing. When you want a cheeseburger, you don't just sit there and be like, god a cheeseburger would be so good. You go get a cheeseburger, you grab your phone and order Uber Eats. You switch into a state of doing and so it might not be you know, learning more, it's taking the one action that would actually get you in the phone. Oh, in the freakin ring. I have to catch that one. Sorry about that. 

Heather Sager  45:57  
It's good. You're good. We're already marking it as explicit.

Jill Stanton  46:02  
Everything I do is explicit. Oh, not everything, mostly. But it's just making that one little tweak. I want to be consistent with Facebook Lives, then be that, right? It's that simple.

Heather Sager  46:14  
Yeah, yeah, it's just like a head game. 

Jill Stanton  46:19  
Yeah, but that's lazy thinking truthfully because I deal with the same, or I serve the same audience as you, right? People on the come up, and I do mindset coaching in our boot camps and I hear that all the time. Yeah, I know, but and I'm like, no, no, be that. The person who is consistent with Facebook Lives or the person who reaches out for guest podcasts or whatever, the reason they get them, or the reason they are consistent with it is because they are being the type of person who is consistent with it. That's it. It's just like, yeah, the thoughts are going to be there. Yeah, you're not gonna feel ready. Yeah, you're gonna be like, oh, my God, what if I forget what I'm gonna say? What if no one shows up? What if someone says no to me pitching myself? That will probably happen, and you're the type of person who is consistent with your Facebook Lives. 

Heather Sager  47:14  
Yes. Yep. 

Jill Stanton  47:15  
And so you're still going to do that? Because that is who you capital B or no, I was gonna say that's who you be, but that doesn't make sense. That's who you are.

Heather Sager  47:26  
A capital B is something totally different.

Jill Stanton  47:31  
But I have to be like being 

Heather Sager  47:33  
Yeah, yeah, I gotcha. So one of the phrases I started adopting a few years ago that I always challenged my clients with is this idea. Okay, so you want to become a speaker, replace that with I am a speaker, I am the kind of person who does Facebook Lives, I am the kind of person who shows up even if I don't feel ready, I am the kind of person who does blank. And I think that is one of the best ways to switch from the planning mode to the action mode you're talking about? Okay. So if I was operating as the kind of person did this, if I am a person who goes live on Instagram, I am the kind of person who posts without like mulling over it. Okay, so what's the action? So I love that piece there. I am curious. We've joked that you love to speak, you have no shyness with words. Have you always been so bold and confident of sharing your opinions and showing up on video? 

Jill Stanton  48:28  
No. And what's ironic is I actually get really scared about speaking in public, like doing speeches, oh, my God. I get so in my head, like I'm a perpetual over practice it, over practicer. I practice for like weeks on end, so I actually get very much in my head about that. I am getting better at it because I'm a big believer in preparation and planning. But no, I wasn't always like this. I was just at a Tony Robbins mastermind where there was 20 of us and Tony Robbins and it was quite possibly one of the coolest experiences hands on on my business, but possibly even my life. I asked him about this brand I'm starting Millionaire Girls Club and I was saying I'm hosting retreats. And, you know, I went in with a tactical question. This is how like, in my head I was. I went in with a tactical question for Tony Robbins. What was I thinking? Because it became all like pure emotional, right? And I said, do you know how many exercises or strategies that I could use at my retreats to make women crack open and connect deeply and he just was like, it starts with you. You have to be cracked open, you have to share vulnerable, you have to speak from your heart and blah, blah, blah. And I was saying, you know, as you're talking Mr. Robbins, I'm realizing like I realized that that question comes from I had a 10 solid year, 10 F* Jill, 10 solid years like stint of being mercilessly bullied and Tony was like you are bullied. You were cracked open by some very intense people. But my whole point here is, I've always or since I was about 25, before I was 25, I was like, very nervous to speak up because I had maybe even like, maybe that stopped at like 20 because from grade five, like since I was 10, until I was like 19-20. I was just mercilessly tortured by chicks like locked in my car, barricaded by 40 chicks like, you know stuff spray painted on the walls, like really, like very humiliating experiences that made me never want to speak up. Never go to bat for myself, never be too loud, never be too noticeable, ever be too standout-ish, right? I just wanted to be safe in those points and, and that was being quiet, so I haven't always been this outspoken. However, I feel like that 10 year experience was in service because now I am much more myself unapologetically and much stronger and much more compassionate around what other women deal with, and how lonely we can feel, and how betrayed we can feel and you know, just all these things that a lot of women go through. I don't know. Have you ever had strained relationships with females? 

Heather Sager  51:31  
Yes, yeah, yes. 

Jill Stanton  51:32  
And it can give you some deep wounding, right? It can make you very tentative. So I haven't always been outspoken, I love that I am now. But even then I still get in my head, I was like, was that too strong? Did I go over the top? Was I too, like, you know too much? How many of us have ever been told for too much? I'm really just trying to work through that so I can continue to lean into this side of me who wasn't always, who I kind of like stuffed down for a long time. 

Heather Sager  52:02  
I'm so grateful for the fact that you just shared what you just shared. I think, one, I think a lot of people it's like the online thing, right? Somebody would hear you and your bold and your confidence and would never have guessed that you haven't always been this way. I think this is what a lot of people think online like, oh, we just fall out of the womb being articulate as bold and curated with feeds. And no, like, there's a story there. One of the things I want to point out is when you were talking about the experience that happened to you as a kid, essentially into your adult life. You use that phrase earlier that sometimes life like things happen for us. I think a lot of times there's association that people think that we have to, the for us has to be recognized in that moment, like something happens, and then all of a sudden, we have to grow from it or make meaning from it. I think for the majority of us, we don't actually understand that things happen for us until way later, when we can then fully understand how to leverage it. So me talking about my mom, you talking about that experience. It is interesting that when we actually reflect back and start exploring some of those uncomfortable things around like, well, why am I resisting vulnerability? Or why am I avoiding this? Or what is happening here asking those questions we can get to the root of where it came from. Just to me, it's fascinating. I'm hoping that with what you just share that unlocks some ideas for people around how maybe they can be a little more courageous in how they show up and own their stories a bit more. 

Jill Stanton  53:32  
Or even like, what stories are you still holding on to that were given to you that no longer serve you? One of my friends here, He's like one of the most interesting dudes I've ever met. he just like, randomly said, you know, because my mom used to tell me I talked too much. And then his girlfriend said, like, when we first got together, he would always ask me like, am I talking too much? Just stop me if I'm talking too much. But he was so young when she said that to him. She was like five or something. And he was just, you know, he developed that story or that label, like I talked too much. So where are you holding back or holding on to a story that no longer serves you and sure as shit is not going to serve you in entrepreneurship, right? Because it's not like just average people can roll on into entrepreneurship and all of a sudden create success. It's for the warriors, right? It's why average people stay average because they won't do this kind of stuff. They won't go through the fire to come out the other side stronger, more confident skills, like more skilled, thinking differently about money, thinking differently about our past, our beliefs, like acting differently, creating different relationships like we entrepreneurs change the world, entrepreneurs create the world because we are not average because we do things most average people will not. We go through the pain of peeling back the beliefs or the behaviors that no longer serve us and we step into an elevated, more empowered version of us. But that is going to irritate a lot of the like, pre existing relationships who might have in our life with people who are not willing to change or do not want to see us change because it like, kind of, what's the word? It like agitates the fact that they are not willing to make those changes.

Heather Sager  55:25  
True, totally true. 

And it's why most people when we're starting this out and I know you said this in the beginning and it made me think of this, like, when you're just starting your business, you're so excited, you just want to talk about it to anyone, anyone and everyone who will listen, right? And most of us, if you're like me, I just get blank stares, like, oh, sounds great. So you're gonna work on the internet? You know, what I mean? They don't get it, and so they subtly undermine it because you are agitating this change that they are not willing to make, but they know that is there for them and so that is painful for them, which is why they kind of like, try to keep us stuck and which is where we get all these disempowering beliefs and these stories that no longer serve us. It's identifying those that will catapult you into a whole new level of yourself. So I don't even know where the f* is going on?

I love it. You talked about, like the pain of peeling back that is entrepreneurship like, yes. I talk often I named my program, it's called Speak up to Level up because there's always a next level for each of us that speaking is a skill that you just master and then you're good. No, it's constant. I think entrepreneurs show it's like that. We have to constantly be exploring how we're thinking, what we're doing, where we're going, who we're around what we're fueling our mind with. It's it's a constant journey. And with what you've shared today, I'm super excited. I love to surround myself with people that provoke my thinking and keep me focused around my priorities, how I want to think, how I want to act, the person I'm becoming. I love this conversation, I know my audience is gonna love it, too. So for respect of your time, let's land the plane here. 

Jill Stanton  57:06  
That was so quick though. 

Heather Sager  57:07  
Yeah, I know. It went by real, real fast, real fast. It was with weird analogies and a lot of F* bombs and I'm okay with it. 

And a lot of tangents by Jill. 

That's one of my favorites. So you mentioned a couple times, you have your podcast, Millionaire Girls Club, you're doing your retreats. Can you share a little bit more about, for people who are listening, where they can continue to to learn from you obviously, the podcast, but maybe just like a little teaser, this retreat you threw out. Is that something that's available for people? Tell us.

Jill Stanton  57:39  
Okay, so for the Screw, which is, I think, much more aligned with the audience we're speaking to today. So that's for course creators and coaches who just really want to get their offers dialed in and making money. So our podcast for that is called the Screw Show.com. Sounds like a porn but it's business, I promise. That's where you'd like to,

Heather Sager  58:03  
We'll link to it it to make sure you don't get an internet loophole.

Jill Stanton  58:06  
Yeah, the screwshow.com or just screwtheninetofive, all spelled out, no numbers, screwtheninetofive.com. Same with IG. And then millionaire Girls Club is for women who are already at the million dollar mark. So my retreats are for women who are making a million plus and their luxury all inclusive retreats. The first ones in Costa Rica, I am V-excited about it. It's next, essentially like late March, March 30th to April 3rd, but yeah, I have Instagram for the Millionaire Girls Club. Although I'm just going to be honest, I'm in a real like love hate relationship right now with Instagram so I'm not posting that much. I'm craving like a deep pause from social media right now. But the screwshow.com has so much content, and it's where we are, you know, 90% consistent.

Heather Sager  58:58  
All right, well hang out with you over there. Last message for anyone who's listening who's still kind of fighting that battle around showing up boldly with their brand, any kind of just parting words of inspiration/kick in the ass to get them started? 

Jill Stanton  59:12  
I think where most people give up is that moment where you have to push through, right? Most people give up thinking, I've been at this for like, two years, I thought it would be easier than this or I thought I'd be further ahead than I am now. And those moments are your sign to keep pushing, right? Because most people will stop there. I thought it'd be easier than this. It was so much easier when I had a job. But we're not looking for easy, we're looking for impactful. memorable, right? This barrier to entry is like the ticket to a phenomenal life. So yeah, it might not be easy, but holy hell will it be memorable. And if you could start taking the focus off yourself and start putting it on the people you're meant to serve. Man, a whole other world of abundance opens up for you. I think that was one of mine and Josh's biggest breakthroughs. We always used to make it about ourselves. How much money can we make? How big can our launches be? And then we started, we stopped sending income goals and started switching to impact goals. You know, what if we could get 200 people onto this program and half of them minimum got results like making money with this process? What would that look like and how would we show up for them? What would we have to do to hit that impact goal? What procedures are they need, or what templates, or what systems, or what support, all of that? You switch it to the people you're here to serve, and I swear to God, a whole other level of acceleration happens. 

Heather Sager  1:00:49  
Yes, that is in alignment with our whole conversation today around switching to more empowering thoughts. That in itself is an more empowering thought and question because it leads back to the whole point of what we're doing in the first place. Okay, I love it

Jill Stanton  1:01:02  
And the byproduct of that is money, right? 

Heather Sager  1:01:06  
Oh yeah. 

Jill Stanton  1:01:06  
The product of helping people is more money so it ticks to box

Heather Sager  1:01:09  
 And we all love that, we all love that's a good byproduct to have.

Jill Stanton  1:01:15  
Hell yeah, hell yeah.

Heather Sager  1:01:15  
Alright, Jill, you're the best. Thank you so much for celebrating our 100th episode here on the Heather Sager Show. I couldn't have asked for a better conversation today. Thanks for joining us. 

Jill Stanton  1:01:26  
Thank you so much, and congratulations to 100 episodes. 

Heather Sager  1:01:30  
Thank you. Thank you and hey friends if you could help me celebrate by be sure that you leave a review of the show. Give Jill some love in that review today so that we can make sure this show gets in the ears of more people and we'll see you next week.