Sounding Like 'You' on Stage Starts with Ditching This One Habit

There’s this weird thing that happens when smart, articulate business owners get asked to speak:

They start sounding… weird.

They say stuff like, “What if I told you…”
They parrot lines from mentors they admire.
They stiffen up, overthink, and suddenly sound like a motivational quote generator instead of a real human.

In this episode, I’m sharing where that habit comes from (spoiler: it’s not confidence—it’s ego), why it’s a sign you haven’t fully nailed your speaker identity, and what to do when your “authentic voice” vanishes under pressure.

We’ll talk about:
🎤 The “Parrot Effect” and why it sneaks in when you’re trying to be impressive

🎤 Why scripting makes you feel safe—but also makes you sound like someone else

🎤 How to try things on and find your signature speaker style without cringing

🎤 A behind-the-scenes story from my pageant days (and the hideous dress that changed everything)

This one’s not about being a better speaker.  

It’s about noticing when you’re not actually being you.

EPISODE  SHOW NOTES👇
https://heathersager.com/episode233

Transcript

0:12  
Well, hey friend and welcome back. Well, I guess Welcome to officially the ramble refinery. Oh, we're here. It's our first official full episode. I'm still trying to figure out the tech and how to make, you know, music happen in my production studio. And by production studio, I mean the office in my bedroom and Riverside.

0:35  
I am so excited to be back with you. I am. I'm looking forward to this episode, actually, this episode, you're gonna giggle at this. I was, had a thought this morning. I was, I came across a reel of a very big name marketer, and they started their phrasing of the real with a question that, to me, is like nails on a chalkboard, and that question is, what if I told you, and then insert some generic marketing phrase here, what if I told you? How many times have you heard that phrase before in marketing, how many times have you heard that phrase before from other leaders in your space? How many times have you heard speakers say it? How many times have you said it? Are you wondering what's wrong with that phrase right now, and why am I personally attacking an influencer online who used it well? It comes down to I have no issue with people using it however, I want to talk about why that phrase doesn't work for most people and why I'm going to invite you to try on some different phrases, and how a simple shift in your language can have a way better impactful insert better language here to describe the kind of speaker that you want to be.

2:05  
We can do it better. We can do it better. And we're going to talk about, it's not really just about this phrase, right? We're going to step back and talk about

2:15  
one, why people use it, what the point of it is, and what I encourage you to say differently. But again, it's not just about this phrase. It's about this idea that

2:26  
too many speakers and aspiring speakers, what happens is we start

2:34  
borrowing phrases and repeating phrases that we hear from other people, and then we somehow wonder why our talks, why our videos, why our interviews aren't landing and it comes down to this,

2:56  
in authentic language, trying to sound like other people. It's never going to be your best move. So let's talk about why it happens. What's the whole point of this episode? Let's get into it today. So first of all, like here, here's the reality. If, if you're listening to this show, I know you want to do more speaking in your business, whatever that looks like for you, if you want to speak on more stages, if you want to book paid workshops with inside companies. If you want to host your own show like a podcast, you want to get better at that. You want to be on other people's podcasts. You want to show up on more video. You want to be a better coach, a better trainer inside your programs. You're here because you want to become a better communicator. I know that to be true. That's why people come into my world, right? Whether or not you want to be a professional speaker, you want to be a better speaker. And what happens is, when we have this picture in our heads of wanting to get better at something, quickly comes this really annoying next stage in the journey, and it's the I want to get really good at something. This is like what my kids struggle at. They see something they want, they or they watch. Like, for example, my husband, he's a really great snowboarder. I, on the other hand, I'm not a great snowboarder. Fun story about the time I went to Whistler and had kind of lied to my it was my boyfriend at the time, now, husband, and told him I knew how to snowboard, but I did not know how to snowboard. I mean, went down the mountain and I fell on my face and rolled a whole bunch under the chair lift, and I shattered my wrist and ended up in the hospital and had to have surgery. Anyways, not the point. My husband's really good snowboarding, and this season, we've now been in bend here for a year and a half. This season was the first season my that he took the kids up, the older two boys there at the time, nine and six took them up to the mountain to go snowboarding. And my boys have been talking about wanting to go snowboarding for freaking ever. They have been so excited about it and talking about them watching videos. We follow a couple of these kids on Instagram, like their parents account, but they.

5:00  
Like, show these, like, five year olds who are just killing it on. Anyways, my kids are like, yeah, they identify as snowboarder. They want to be a snowboarder. They've been so excited. So they got day passes. My husband rented equipment to get them, like, tested out, and they go out and they sucked, like they fell on their face. And I remember my oldest, they came home. I didn't go with them, because I was here with the baby, and I was like, did you have fun? And they're like, they had fun. And they were both visibly frustrated. One they were also really kind of sore, because you fall a lot on your butt, right? But kids, they bounce back pretty easily. But they were frustrated because the videos that they saw, how they talked about it in their minds, they wanted to be really good, and they didn't like the fact that they weren't good out of the gate. And while we can make the argument here, of like, this is part about, like, learning hard work and learning how to go through the struggle, and like, learning the process. And yes, we have to teach us to our kids. But I think kids are a really good reflection around how we as adults kind of also have that same kid, like wishful thinking, that we see something, we want something, and then we get really freaking annoyed or pissed off when we're not as good as the picture we see in our head. Especially call you out, my friend, if you are really good at what you do and you have been like a high performer and like damn good at what you've done, like at what you do for years,

6:37  
when you then decide, I want to become a better speaker. I want to do more speaking. And you open your mouth and you're a little extra rambly, or a little not to the point, or not as great a storyteller as you thought, or maybe you go off on a lot of sight tangents, and it's just not as powerful as you know it could be.

6:57  
If you're anything like my clients, you probably are, like, deep down, kind of freaking pissed off and annoyed by it. You just want to get better and and it pisses you off even more because, you know, logically speaking, that you have to practice something, you have to actually get better at something. But I don't know about you, like I've said this before, and I'll say this absolutely unapologetically, and I don't really care that people are going to judge me for it. I'm really confident in my abilities, and also I'm really good at a lot of things. I am that annoying person I talked about this on social media a couple months ago around how this this one time at my old job, we were hosting some people in town, and so we took and wined and dined them at a place called Top Golf. And Top Golf is, I don't know if you've ever heard of it, but it's kind of like bowling, except for it's a driving range, so it's like Double Decker, or maybe triple decker, of these patios of driving ranges like golf, where you get your own little seated area with your own little green, and you could, like, lob. I don't know what the proper term is, but golf balls, like, drive them. I'm not a golfer, so I don't know the terminology, but I remember we're, like, having drinks. We're entertaining our clients. We have a group. We've rented out quite a few of these this area, so we probably have like, six or eight

8:22  
of these little driving hole spots. Again, I have no idea what the term is, but we have this whole area, and my husband's with me and my oldest, who was like a baby at the time, they used to travel with me for work. We were out of town, and I'm going right. I have no idea how to golf. I participated in a golf tournament one time as a volunteer and decided to play, and I got high score, which I learned was not good, so then I volunteered by driving the beer cart years later. But I'm not a golfer, but I'm good at a lot of things, so I step up more in like these little like three inch heel booties, all dressed up, ready for a night out, and I take the golf clubby thing. I don't know. I picked a random one out of the club satchel.

9:07  
I step up and, uh, whamming it, and, like, make contact, and it goes and I'm like, Oh, cool. This is fun, right? I have no idea that people were like, whiffing it with the ball. So a couple times I hit him, wham, wham, wham. And let's not confuse I was not good by any measure. Like I wasn't hitting any targets, but I was making contact, and it was like it was going and there was this guy that I work with who, quite frankly, we didn't get along so great and but we were like, social, like pretending everything was fine, and kind of passive aggressive about it. And he leans over and makes the comment to my husband, where he goes, isn't it just freaking annoying that she's so good at everything. And I remember my husband, like, looked at him confused. He's like, No, I fucking love it. Like, it's awesome. She's really great at like, a lot of things. And like, I like, cheer her on. I don't remember exactly.

10:00  
What he said, but he was like, appalled and kind of laughing at what this guy had to say. So bringing it back to you, the point in me telling the story, I have no problem telling you that I'm like, highly confident in my abilities to figure things out, and I do have a lot of natural talent for a lot of things, and I do know that a lot of times it pisses people off, and I know that not everybody is that way. But I know a lot of the high performers I work with are, in fact, talked about this before. I'm super into human design right now. You might even be annoyed with me continuing to talk about it, because I literally bring it up all the time to any of my friends or clients. But in human design on a two four manifester, and why this is important, just the two line signals, like natural abilities, like natural talent, and you can't really describe what that talent is, and it's hard to really, like put your finger on it. You don't always realize for what it is. But I know of a lot of people who have that two line in human design, and where this comes back to you and this, you want to be a really good speaker. You know, logically, that to be a good speaker, you know you have to practice at it and get better. But coming down to it, if you're anything like me and my other clients that I work with, you're a little freaking pissed off and annoyed that you're not already good at it, because historically, you have been good at so many things. Gonna

11:26  
let you sit with that for a second? Is there an element, or is there, like a little part of you that is just quite frankly annoyed by the fact that you are not as good as you know you should be right now?

11:41  
And I say that with this like

11:44  
annoyance that we all know that like, the whole phrase around should be is not a thing, right? What is, what even is that like? Who declares, what should we do? Should we not do? Should we be like? Should is just crap on should like. It's a dumb phrase, but yet we still sit in that position where it's really freaking annoying that there is a gap between who we want to be on a stage or who we even want to be as a business owner, whether it's the size of our business, the type of our business, the progress in our business, there is a gap between what you want and where you're at right now, and what feels really freaking annoying is that struggle piece to figure out how to excel in the area that you're trying to excel. I know I'm not the only person here. I know my clients aren't the only people here. I know a lot of high performers struggle with this. So here's what happens. And here this how, how this relates to you, and also that phrase we are going to talk about. What have I told you?

12:44  
I might be the only person to win by this phrase. Edit the fact that I do an entire episode like inspired by this one phrase is kind of hilarious, but also very on brand for me. But coming back to it, it's what people do, right? When you know you're good at things, you know, you have a lot of great skill. You have a picture of what you want to be. What happens is a couple things. One, we shy away from the practice, because when we try to practice, it just sounds fumbly and stupid. And then we say, well, I would never say that. Actually. I don't even know why I said that. I would never actually say that on a stage. Have you ever been guilty of that? This is where, when I used to teach doctors how to have patient conversations and how to essentially sell hearing aids, we used to do a lot of role play, and you would think I was asking these doctors to like, like, hand over their firstborn child, or that I was asking them to pluck all of their arm hair off like they experienced such pain at the idea of role playing with me. And I get it. I hated role playing too at first, because it felt very forced, very contrived, very like WTF. But what I learned is, when you first adopt that idea that like role play or practice, if you're like, I would never say that, but then I would role play with someone and then actually watch them live in a real session, and talk to them about what they said after, and have the experience where they literally had no idea what they said in the actual moment, and I would repeat back to them some of the things that they said, and they're like, No way, I never said that, like You sure did. So what I realized was it's actually our ego that steps up and protects us and says, no, no, you would never say that. You're not stupid. You would never you are so much better, and our ego, like acts as this hype man or hype woman, making us feel like, Oh no, we're really good on the fly. We're really good at winging it. But the reality is, a lot of people kind of have this, like blackout experience, and they really don't remember what they actually say. And I don't know if you've ever felt that before.

15:00  
Or you're like, I don't even know how it went, because I don't even remember what happened. It's kind of like I blacked out a little bit. I used to actually laugh and joke about that all the time, anytime I'd speak, early in my career. And what I realized was actually my body, even though on stage, I looked comfortable and I was having fun, I was actually in this fight or flight mode, and I was just operating off a pure adrenaline, not based off, I mean, just pure talent. I had to go with my talent, right? But there wasn't any room for that. Like, masterful communication, no like,

15:33  
no strategy. There was no like, thought around the substance. It was literally relying on what came to mind and natural abilities, and I was just in fight or flight mode, and so I wouldn't remember. So what happens is, a lot of people, they shy away from practice because they've adopted this identity that, oh, I'm just good live. I'm just better thinking on my feet. But they don't actually know if it's true. They just choose to own that identity, which, if that's you, girl like, good for you, yay, confidence. I'm all about that. But also, if we're being real here,

16:12  
is it actually true? Like, what if we were able to get better? What if we could stop winging it? What if you could still speak extemporaneously, which side note go back to that phrase. That was an episode I did last year that was one of the number one downloaded around. Extemporaneous is essentially just, how do you speak better off the cuff, but how do you do it with purpose and intention, and not just make shit up as you go. We'll link to that episode here in the show notes. But if you can be extemporaneous. You can be like off the cuff in your speaking, and still ensure it's substance filled, ensure that it actually anchors back to what you want to be known for, ensure that it's actually achieving the business objectives you have for why you said you would speak in the first place. So we have to be willing to let go of this badge of honor that we feel around winging it and allow and almost actually love the process of practice. Now, a lot of people suck at practice because here's what they do next, right? Let's say that okay. You're like, Okay, I gotta get better. All right. I have a big, important event coming up. Let me get ready for it. So what happens is people swing the pendulum way too far, and they think, okay, if I want to get better, then they become Uber controlling over their words. Have you ever done this before, where you have a really important opportunity coming up? So you're thinking about it, maybe you're writing in a Google Doc, you're brainstorming with your chat GPT to try to figure things out. And what happens is you start creating very specific language that you put on a page, on a note card, on a slide deck, and the notes on a Google Doc. Again, at some place, the ideas start pouring and you start typing it out, and then you find yourself reading it. You're like, this is good. And then you're like, I need to commit this to my brain. If I can remember this, then I will freaking nail it. We've done that before, right? And maybe it's not every single word you're saying. Like, I don't need to memorize every word, but this, this is what I want to say. So then you're like, taking the printed version of your notes, matching it onto your forehead, trying to create some kind of osmosis where your brain, just like absorbs it, and you're trying to remember it all. You wrote down these really awesome gems, and you're like, yes, I want to hit all of these lines. So then you start reciting it, you start practicing it, and then you're like, Oh, well, that sounds scripted. Let me practice some vocabulary, or some some vocalities here, and try to sound way more dynamic, but still, what's happening is you are feeling like, okay, the ideas are there, but it's not flowing, and it's not sounding like you. It's not that fully comfortable you. And this is something that I see, what happens a lot with especially my private clients, especially my private clients, who are also copywriters. I know there are a lot of you in my audience, copywriters, you all are the most guilty of this, because language and vocabulary is quite literally your love language. You love to play with words. You love to write and get all those ideas out. But then what happens is we become so tied to the language we've written, to the phrasing we've written, to the sequencing we've written, it robs our ability to be present in the moment. So we we, we try to memorize, right? And that memorization, what you're now doing is trying to create this experience, but you're forgetting the part where the actual experience happens, and it's in the spontaneity of the moment. It's in being present with your audience, and you can't do that, in my very strong opinion, with a script. So these are the things that people do when they're like, Okay, I want to get better.

20:00  
I want to start, but there's a third thing people do that they don't even realize they do. And it has to be, has to do with that friggin phrase. What if I told you if, and this is when we start mimicking other people around us, that we aspire to have skills like them, or aspire to have their success.

20:22  
How many times have you watched someone that you really admire and they said something, and then maybe a couple weeks later, you actually heard yourself repeating a phrase that they use, whether you quoted them, or whether it was just an everyday phrase that you started hearing, that you started seeing a little bit more. I'll give you an example of this. Let's talk about Gen Z language.

20:48  
My gosh, what's the giot? Apparently the term for but I have no idea. My son is Chen, so he's just starting to get into some funky, funny language that I'm like. What even does that mean? This is how language and trends take off. I mean, back in the 80s, when we used to say cool all the time, I remember cringing when my mom said the word cool. Like, why are we doing it? But phrasing it takes off because someone starts doing and then we start mirroring and mimicking it back. We see this all the time on Instagram or Tiktok and reels. How many times have you heard this

21:25  
Ooh sound, whatever that's called. I was gonna say, I was gonna say porn, but I don't know if that's going to flag something. Oh, well, I said it sound. What is that? There's a word for that around like sounds ASMR, that's the word. I didn't know what that was for a very long time, by the way, until a friend told me that my video had really good ASMR. That's just like sounds this sounds me tapping. Anyways, you know those videos where they like with their freaking nails on everything before they open it? Oh my gosh, that's like the worst sound on the planet. I hate it. I hate it, but everyone's doing it now, right? It's because these are trends. They are taking off the same way. I the other one. I really want to do a video on this, but I don't want to be like someone who makes fun of people on Instagram, because they're really just trying to do their best. But there are, okay, oh my gosh, I like, hate me for saying this. There's a trend of hand gestures on videos going around tick tock and Instagram. And it's typically from people in their mid 20s, and they're all doing the exact same hand gestures, and they are the weirdest hand gestures when they speak. And I'm trying to understand what is happening, but they're all mimicking each other, and it's hilarious to watch, but it's it's just proof that things catch on. Now coming back to you, this happens with language. This happens with language. And that phrase that I use as the example in the beginning of the show, what if I told you, is one of those phrases that was first used decades ago, and it comes from this state of wanting to provoke curiosity. What if I told you it's based off this idea that if you could provoke curiosity, if you could open up a loop, people lean in, and there's so much truth to this. Side note, I'm going to have my client, Brenna McGowan, on, and she talks all about anticipation marketing and how to create loops and create curiosity. And why this works really well in your business. Gonna have her on. We're gonna talk about it because it is so, so powerful. The problem is people try to create that curiosity, and they use, overly use jargon phrases like, what if I told you? Now, let me break down this exact phrase. I've heard this a lot with all the markers. What if I told you that you're just one blah, blah, blah secret, or what if I told you there's a secret to success in your marketing? What if I told you that it isn't about quantity, it's about quality. What if I told you that insert other thing here and then change my voice so it sounds really curiosity provoking here, the phrase

24:05  
isn't necessarily wrong, and people use it all the time, but I'm here to question it.

24:13  
I'm gonna question that. It's a really stupid question, because the phrasing, what if I told you centers the speaker, what if I told you that the secret to your marketing is email?

24:33  
What if we just dropped the three words I told you, okay, let me just, let me just logically think about this. What if I told you that the secret to marketing is email, this isn't even like, this is a terrible freaking phrase. This is a bad example. But we're not focused on the like second part of the sentence. We're focused on the first What if I told you that the secret to something is something,

24:55  
logically speaking, the question is, so? What? What?

25:00  
If I told you

25:02  
dogs were animals? What if I told you that people are hungry? What if so? What if you told me that who gives a flying F the question itself, logically think about is literally the stupidest question. And why would you ask stupid questions when you have a microphone in front of you? Stop adding filler crap, because some old dude in 2004 said it on stage all the time, and now everybody and their mom freaking uses it. Stop saying that shit. Here's a better way to say it. Just say, what if? And then make the statement or ask the question, what if the secret to marketing was email? Literally the same provoking curiosity, but you just drop the self centering part of it. Here's the problem. So many people want to be really good speakers because they want to be the one in the spotlight, but the people who are so damn good in the spotlight know how to turn it around and shine it on their audience. Stop putting yourself in the center of the universe when you're on a stage and start using yourself as a way to center your audience, that's how you get people to lean in. And quite frankly, that is just why that the question pisses me off because of the self centering, but more so because it logically doesn't make any effing sense. Who cares if you told me that? Talk to me about the substance. So I wanted to record this right? Because, one, I just thought that was just a hilarious sight, tangent that I want to take you on. But two, I wanted to bring up this point that I want you to start questioning the language and the phrases and the techniques and the hand gestures and what you do, and ask yourself this question, is this authentic to me? Is this authentic to me? Because I can guarantee if you've ever said one of those phrases, like, what if I told you, or, let's say on a webinar, you know that awkward point on the webinar where you say something along the so where do we go from here? Well, you have two options. Option one, you can start figuring or you can keep YouTubing and trying to blah, blah, blah on your own. Or option two, you can essentially buy my program and follow the proven path. How many of you have actually said that or said a version of that on a webinar and said, I feel like I need to take a shower after this, but yet you still say it because you think you have to say it. I am here to tell you you don't have to do anything, and you most definitely don't have to follow the advice of the people who say, This is what works. This is how you convert better. This is how like you you do it the right way and actually get the results you want. You should not have to compromise your personality and your authenticity by using phrasing that do not feel aligned for you. Okay, it doesn't work that way. So what do we do instead? Well, it comes down to this. I was talking with one of my speaker society members. I was asking her for some feedback on some content I have coming up as I'm making some changes in the program. And she has just booked her first, like, big paid speaking gig, was like five grand, and she's traveling for it. She's really excited about it, but it's bringing up some nerves for her. She's done some lower, lower paid things. She's done a lot of free speaking, but this one's high stakes, and it just feels different. So I wanted to know a little bit more around what was going through her head. What was she struggling with? What did she need to know more about? What would help her feel more confident, more comfortable? And she shared with me something in her rambles, which, side note we talk a lot about rambles. People need to ramble it out, to get their ideas out, to get their feelings out, to get their thoughts out, we need to freaking ramble. But in it where she was going, she was sharing, like, Okay, I want, I need. I know I'm I know I'm telling stories, but I know I'm not telling them, like, stage worthy stories. And then she got to it, she's like, You know what I'm actually realizing is I don't feel like I have any good stories. Like, I just don't feel like I have any good stories. And she's like, I know that I should have some good stories and like, but I questioned them. I don't even know if it's worth it. And then she started sharing a little bit more around some other things she was questioning. What it came down to was this, she goes,

29:10  
I don't actually know or no, she had said something like, she had tried, there was a technique inside my program. I can't even know what it was, but she had tried it, and yet she was still struggling that it wasn't quite working for her, and she needed to figure out. She needed to try a different tool. And she had the realization was, I think what it comes down to is, I haven't figured out who I am yet on stage, what's my stage personality? She's like, I'm not you. I don't tell stories like you. I don't have like, the side tangents, witty humor. I just That's not me, and I'm okay with that, but I don't actually know who I am on stage,

29:46  
and oh my gosh, that really, really like, hit me.

29:53  
And what I realized in this, and I've talked about this before, is the best way for you.

30:00  
Become that powerful speaker that you want to be, is you have to discover who that version of you is.

30:08  
And there's so many things that we can unpack with just that idea. And we will, we will unpack more and more of this. It made me think like, Okay, we I used to talk a lot about stage personas and your stage identity in my program and in some of the Edit rounds. Over the last three years, I'd gotten away from that, and that was a big reminder of who that's why we spend that time out of the gate working on that kind of stuff, because

30:33  
when we're on this journey of becoming better at speaking, we're in this world right now where everybody is pressed for time, and we want results faster. I'm hearing a lot like people don't want group programs because they want to work one on one, because they don't want to go through all the hoop like they want faster results. They want more personalized results. What we really want is we want the shortcut, right? And

30:55  
the the challenge with that is because we're trying to avoid that awkward phrase I talked about the beginning this episode, right? Because we are high performers, and because we're so naturally good at things, we just want someone else to get us there faster. We want someone else to accelerate that success for us to take away that awkward stage. It's like, it's like, you know, kids, right? They're cute little toddlers, and they become like, string me little kids, and then they go through the awkward years. We all do in middle school. Thank goodness. When we were in middle school, there weren't camera phones. I don't know, I don't know what age you are, there definitely weren't there. I didn't get high school, or I didn't get a cell phone until after high school, and even then, it didn't have a camera in it. But we go through the awkward years, and I want to celebrate more of the awkward years as entrepreneurs, but just because of the awkward years, does not mean that they're not stage worthy. It does not mean that they're not highlight worthy. It does not mean that they're not valuable to share with other people you and your awkward years as an entrepreneur, it is some of the most powerful times and powerful content that you can bring that's where the growth happens. But the challenge we're having with so many is you do not want other people to see you in your awkward years. You wanted to fast track to that like whatever next stage is, and it just doesn't work like that. So coming back to it, the question I want you to ask yourself is, who are you when you're at your best on stage, what is the thing that's going to make you uniquely you. What is your signature style? We talk a lot about signature talks, but my question for you is, what is your signature style? Your signature style is that unique experience that you bring to a stage, that you bring to a conversation, that you bring to an audience that's fully authentically you, that really makes someone feel connected to you and your message. Because even though I said that, the best speakers don't make it about them, they treat themselves and their story, their body, their voice, as the vehicle to bring the message to the audience. And we have to attract people to us. People are going to listen to your message if they don't like you, sorry. Like, I know we talk a lot about like we shouldn't be seeking people's approval or seeking people like, we're not here to get people to like us. But when you're on a stage, the audience does have to like you, right, if you want them to lean in and follow what you say. So there is this element that we are putting on a performance, there is a persona. And the question is, what is your stage persona? So if you're trying on different things,

33:31  
let me, let me frame this. So I've shared examples of this before, of when I was in my early 20s, late teens, I went on a side, little tangent and decided to do beauty pageants in the Miss America Association. And my last year competing, I competed for Miss Oregon. And I think it was like 2006 2007

33:55  
and part of competing at Miss America is doing a talent. I was a singer, by the way, first I was preliminary talent winner at Miss Oregon, circa 2007 baby. But anyways, one of the things we had to do is we had to go find an evening gown. And that year, I did not have any kind of wardrobe budget, like we paid for everything on our own as contestants. But I remember my local pageant director went with me to a dress shop. This was before there was any kind of online shopping. It was a wedding dress shop that they had a section with gowns, and she started picking up all these gowns that, quite frankly, were so freaking hideous. And I'm like, Give me 22 year old Heather. Is like, there's no freaking way. And she looked at me and she says, child,

34:39  
no, you do not get to have an opinion until the gown is on your body, see how it feels, or see how you feel in it, then make the decision. And I kind of rolled my eyes. I'm like, that felt a little too more profound than what she was actually saying. But okay, so I remember she had picked out this copper and, like, cream color.

35:00  
This is gonna sound hideous, because I looked at it and it was hideous. It was copper and cream, and it had a slit up the leg, and the slit was covered in ruffles, like ruffles, and this was like a satin style dress. This freaking thing was hideous. And I'm like, Oh my gosh, let's just, all right, let's just get this out of the way. And I, I remember stepping into that dress, putting it on, and it had like a, I think it's called like a, it was strapless, but like a sweetheart neck, so it like cuppeth the boobs.

35:27  
And anyway, as I put it on, I remember zipping it up and walking out and looking in the mirror

35:34  
and holy crap, I felt like a different person. I don't know what magical witchcraft was happening in that dress, but when I put it on, holy crap. It was so freaking incredible. It was it was it, it was with the one like that, how I felt in it. It was just so it was unique. It was like a flamenco was is that the right term dress? But it was copper, like it was copper. And I don't even know how to describe it. I'm sure I have a picture of it somewhere. I should post it when I post the episode, but I won't do that, because I always talk about not posting photos because you have a story in your head, and I don't want to ruin it for you. I don't know. Maybe I'll show the photo. We'll see. But anyways, the point was, you don't judge it until you try it on. So here's where I want to bring it back to phrases like, what if I told you? Or phrases like, great example, I have a whole freebie around 19 magnetic phrases that you can use to sound more critical, sound more credible, and drive people into call to actions, whatever call to action that you're making, if you want that. By the way, we'll put that link in the show notes. It is, by far my number one downloaded free resource that I have on my website, because it's like these little magic phrases that you use. Now, the big caveat on it is you have to try on these phrases, just like that freaking hideous dress, because what might happen is you might see and be like, Oh, that can sound like, I want to use that, but then you say it and it just rolls off the tongue, or maybe it creates this bridge that you've been struggling making that transition from teaching into the call to action, and you're like, that was exactly what I needed. That is the phrase that gives you the confidence to make that compelling. Close, what we're missing is the one knowledge around what are the types of things we can say? What am I trying on? You're missing the dresses, right? What's the phrasing, what's the content, what's the structure, like, what? What can you actually do? How can you practice to get better? You're missing the actual substance to know what to do differently. But then number two, you're missing the willingness to try it on and ask the question, is this right for me? Does this make me feel more confident? Is this more compelling? This is more powerful for my audience? You have to ask it. We don't just follow the advice because someone told us to good entrepreneurs and exceptional thought leaders have the confidence to know what's right for them and right for their message. So you have to be willing to try it on. And so I think the struggle that I have the most with phrases like,

38:00  
what if I told you

38:02  
Yes. On one hand, it is with the little phrase itself, because I think that phrase is stupid, and it literally says nothing, right? It just has this, like, I'm trying to sound really grand, but it actually doesn't say anything. Just say, what if, okay? But on the other hand, it's, it's us trying on phrasing, because we've heard great say it, and we think that it's the phrase that's going to bring the magic that we're after on a stage. But I'm here to tell you, you, as cheesy as it sounds, you are the magic. The problem is you don't know who you are at your best on stage, so you haven't discovered it yet. Doesn't mean that you won't it doesn't mean that you're not gonna achieve the goals that you have for yourself on stage. It just means that you're not there yet. And that's a cool thing, because now starts the journey of you figuring out, okay, what am I gonna try on. What am I going to do differently? What? How am I going to start building my toolkit so I can become the speaker I know I'm meant to be. Because if you have that, it's going to sound so cheesy. But if you have that call on your heart to speak on bigger stages, to speak to bigger audiences, to really, truly be an influential thought leader in your space, that call was put on you for a reason, that whisper was there for a reason, and it's now up to you to grow into it. So how do you do that? Right? It's trying things on. But I think the biggest takeaway I want you to make for this episode,

39:35  
it's believing that you can but it's also you really getting good at listening to yourself and what feels right and aligned for you. So this happens in speaking right the specific phrasing that I gave you today, or I told you today, like when you're trying on different phrasing, or you're trying on different communication techniques, you have to run it through the filter of this is feel authentic to me and.

40:00  
Note, if you're kind of curious around some of those things I talked about around that, like mimicking your mentors, I call that the parrot effect. Have an entire episode I did early on in the podcast. That's a great episode to listen to. So if you do struggle with that mimicking piece or trying to find your identity, that would be a great next episode to go listen to. But what I really want you focused on is okay? What's true to me? How do I start practicing? How do I start learning who I am? What is my stage identity? What does that feel like for me to be my best self on stage? The storytelling, the presence. How do you make sure you align it to strategy? Those are all things that we do here on the show. And also, you know, I can help you inside my programs with that for sure, too. So anyways, I'm gonna go ahead and leave. I'll go ahead and leave that. We did lots of stories today. We did lots of thought provoking thinking. Thought provoking thinking, wow, that's a good that's a freaking good way. That's a good way to wrap things up, that the ramble is now going downhill. I think maybe that's an indicator that the episode is ready to wrap when my rambles go off the rails.

41:06  
I hope this episode has not only got you thinking about how you show up on stage and how you want but also I want you starting to question. Okay, not just questioning for the sake of questioning, but questioning. Is this right for me? How can I be more aligned, not just in my speaking, but also strategies in your business, tactics that you hear start having a more stringent filter for other people's advice, narrow down who you're listening to, start really asking the question, what kind of speaker do I want to be, and who am I like authentically when I'm at my best? I know that's a little cheesy, but I really want you to reflect on that, and I'll leave you with my personal speaking mantra that I have had for the last 15 years, and I still hold it true this day, every time I step on stage, I have this little phrase going through my head. I'm going to make them laugh, I'm going to make them cry, and sure as shit, I'm going to teach them something that is going to change their lives. To me, what that means is I'm going to be authentic, because I am funny and I am off handed, and I just have a way to make people feel comfortable the second the make them cry piece. It doesn't literally mean I always make people cry, but I always connect to a bigger purpose. I always speak to the heart. I speak to the why. I speak to something bigger than just a topic at hand. I always I'm vulnerable. I always share kind of that deeper meaning, and I connect back to that, that purpose, but that three of sure shit teach them something that's going to change their lives. It always tells or always gives me that guide that I'm always going to leave people better than I found them by giving them specific things that they can do, whether it's specific phrasing, specific tactics, specific applications. To me, it's yes, balancing between the strategy and the deeper meaning, but always making it tangible so people can do something with it. This is my stage identity. This is who I am as a speaker. It's also the best version of who I am as a person. Took me years to figure this out, but the question is, Who are you when you're at your best on stage? And I surely do not think it is paraphrasing or parroting other people's phrasing. I think you have a unique perspective that you can bring to the stage, and I can't wait to see how you find it all right, friend, I will see you on the next episode of the ram balloon. Ramble, ramble. Room, ramble. Room, okay, that's my cue to go talk soon.

43:42  
You

43:47  
all right, friend, that's our next episode. If you want to learn more about how to work with me or how to make your voice your best brand asset, head on over to Heather sager.com there you can grab all the freebies, the show notes, everything we talked about today, but also take the next step to figure out, Okay, what does that look like? To turn your voice into your best brand asset. Do you want to build a signature talk? Do you want to get better on stages? Do you want to package up your ideas into a corporate offer and start selling it to companies head on over to Heather sager.com and see you in the next episode you.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai